Emily and Janet Gush About Divergent, Theo James, and Teen Dreams
IT IS FINALLY HERE! Divergent is screening all over the nation! Sparkitors Emily and Janet took themselves off to see Divergent in big old theater, laden down with candy, popcorn, and teen romance hopes. Afterward, they gossiped about the movie while their coworkers said unsupportive things like, "I don't think photoshopped posters of you with Four are appropriate for an office space." Below, we chat about the highlights and most-talked about parts of the film (i.e., most talked about by us)—minor spoilers lie beyond! If you haven't seen the film yet, consider running off, seeing it, then rushing back and joining the comments!
Sparkitor Janet: Did you dream of Divergent last night?
Sparkitor Emily: Sort of! I fell asleep listening to Lena Dunham on Marc Maron's podcast, but I kept picturing Shailene Woodley. Did you?
Janet: I always dream about apocalypses.
Emily: Hahaha. I was thinking about how it was really funny that the ONLY time the audience didn't react the way the movie wanted it to was when Tris told Four, "I want to take it slow." It just came out so corny, made for TV movie-ish.
Janet: YOU HAVE ALREADY TOUCHED THE TATTOOS, THERE IS NO GOING BACK, TRIS.
Emily: But then I started feeling bad for ALL YA AUTHORS EVER because sex (even if you're not having it) is such a part of teen life and it's really hard to talk about that honestly. On that note, sortof, Four is foxier than all the Hunger Games guys combined, IMHO.
Janet: I feel like he is the ultimate Outward Bound instructor crush, but also sexually terrifying in a way.
Emily: Because he's SOOOOO manly? And his eyebrows? I'm not intimidated by eyebrows. In fact, that's one of my best qualities.
Janet: Oh yeah, his very sexually mature eyebrows are obviously reason #1. Those are experienced eyebrows. Plus reason #2: Will his jawline sever your carotid artery? That is a JAWLINE. And this is a guy who has already thrown knives at your head, remember.
Emily: As someone who never read the books, I have a question about Al*—his storyline didn't quiiiiite fit in for me in the movie.
Janet: That was SUPER ambiguous in the film.
Emily: Hold on, I must look up carotid artery now.
Janet: Neck vein (only an artery).
Emily: Oh. Good thing I am not a neck doctor.
Janet: I thought that Four basically said "it had to be done and it's not your fault" to Tris.
Emily: Oh oh I thought he just meant "he made his choice." I thought it was done a little hastily.
Janet: He had terrifying scars.
Emily: Did he? I thought he was cute! He was like "actual boy that I would actually date" cute.
Janet: Hahaha, damaged goods.
Emily: What did you think of Shailene?
Janet: Shailene's eyes were half a movie in themselves. I thought she was really great, and made a plausible transition to her awakening/whatever we're calling it. Did you think she nailed teendom?
Emily: YES. I liked her a lot. Now I want a movie starring a girl who weighs more than 120 pounds. Would the world implode if the next female teen lead was a size 9?
Janet: That's why I like that Katniss has thighs—they would be super handy for jumping on and off trains.
Emily: I felt most connected to that giant girl (Molly) who kicked the crap out of everyone. I was like "THERE I AM! Oh... I'm the horrifying one."
Janet: Hottest moment ... Tris wearing Four's jumper??? O_o
Emily: I KNOW. I COULD PRACTICALLY SMELL THE OFF-BRAND COLOGNE.
Janet: And she was at breakfast like, "oh this old thing I'm wearing? NBD, it's borrowed from my tattooed post-apocalypti
Emily: I thought the effects were amazing. I was tense the entire time.
Janet: YES, tell me about what you thought about the fear simulations.
Emily: I like that Tris is afraid of birds so she gets the bird tattoo. But on the other hand BIRDS?!??!
Janet: She hasn't been to Union Square in summer. Yucth.
Emily: One-armed pigeons showing you the way.
Janet: You ACTUALLY JUMPED during the zipline...
Emily: Yes yes. I JUMPED. that was SO SCARY. I also CRIED. I also simulated makeouts with Four.
Janet: You did cry. I sat robotlike beside you, as if injected with a transmitter serum and under the control of computers. Best kiss of the year? Or best kiss of all of our lives?
Emily: Well it was definitely my best kiss. I wonder what percent of people in the audience cried. I wonder what percent of Sparklers will cry?
Janet: I give it a 93% +/- 1%
Emily: You think that many? I think Sparklers are more savvy than I am, so I'm going to say 68%.
Janet: Usually first kisses are like the botched pancake that you throw away, but they NAILED IT.
Emily: I have so many botched pancakes ahead of me. O_o What was your favorite part? RATE IT!
Janet: Uhhh, I really liked Four and Tris in his fear sequences together, talking through them, and letting each other inside their heads, which I would NEVER DO. Do all kids just want adults gone from the world, btw?
Emily: Like The Girl Who Owned a City? When that happens, nobody took the dogs for walks. That wasn't the main point of the book, but thats what I remember.
Janet: Is that a book?
Emily: Yeah where everyone over 12 dies.
Janet: Haha, and there is no washing up done or garbage taken out until the end of time? I mean even the good adults have lied to their kids in Divergent.
Emily: Basically we DO get to get rid of adults—it's called college. And then you graduate college as the laziest, grossest version of yourself and then realize that adults were sort of on to something.
Janet: What faction was the University of Wisconsin?
Emily: Not Erudite. Amity. For sure.
Janet: I read somewhere a comparison of Amity to Hufflepuff, and Erudite to Ravensclaw. Erudite really takes a beating in the film, would you agree? Is knowledge so bad?
Emily: It's knowledge without empathy, that is bad, and thats what the faction embodies...
Janet: They also make the decision about what knowledge to share, unlike Candor. So lying is justified in Erudite.
Emily: Yeah, lying and lack of empathy are part of being wholly knowledgable according to this book, which I find problematic.
Janet: Who was your favorite non-main character?
Emily: While she wasn't very interesting, I liked that Tris's mom had a badass past. Usually moms are just dead-eyed or nurturing. Ashley Judd was like WHAT UP OLD FRIEND, GUN.
Janet: She should have let her hair down when she picked it up. DAUNTLESS 4EVA!!!
Emily: What about you?
Janet: I thought Will was fantastic, funny, he's the surprise hero. And of course Zoe Kravitz was great.
Emily: That's a Kravitz?!??!??!
Janet: It had Kravitz all over it.
That has been your Sparkitor gush session! Have you seen the movie yet? Tell us what you thought in the commentssss!!!
*Al, not Ed, doh.