Why Having a Cold Is Actually the Best
We're all bred to dread that moment when we wake up and can't take a deep breath through the nose. Oh no, we panic, I have it. I caught a cold. There's no cure for this! WHY, GOD, WHY?! But honestly, when you get past all the phlegm and coughing and, ya know, difficulty breathing and whatever, having a cold is actually a blessing in disguise—here's why.
1. You don't have to get dressed or even attempt to look good. You have a perfectly valid excuse to laze around the house in your Spongebob onesie for a week straight without anybody wincing at your appearance. You can go days without once fixing up your hair or putting on any makeup whatsoever. You can wear your glasses instead of your contacts without any semblance of retribution! REJOICE WITH US!
2. You can use cold medicine/your sickness as an excuse to do totally inadvisable things. Things such as sending the person you like 12 consecutive text messages of nothing but emojis that, when read in the appropriate order, actually tell the story of how the two of you will fall in love and one day run away and elope in Bora Bora. Then, when the person responds appropriately (i.e., freaks out) you can be like, "Ha! You think that I meant any of that? I was on tons of cold medicine!" Invincibility is totally achievable if you just belieeeeeeeve!
3. Your family/roommates do stuff for you. Whether you're living at home or are away at school living with friends, whoever you're sharing a dwelling with surely wants your condition to improve—if not because they actually care about you, then at least because they don't want to catch the thing themselves. So when you shoot them a text asking them to bring chicken noodle soup, tea with honey, and the first season of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to the couch so that you can consume them all immediately to feel better, THEY'LL ACTUALLY DO IT. It's insane.
4. You magically take on a raspy jazz singer-esque voice. And because of #2 (using your sickness to do inadvisable things) and #1 (wearing your Spongebob onesie for a week straight), this means that you can use your webcam to create a series of YouTube videos where you record yourself singing silly songs in a sexy voice. Be warned: this same thing happened to Phoebe Buffay in Friends and she was distraught when the voice disappeared... so maybe don't get too attached to it.
5. Do I even have to say it? NETFLIX. You can start (and finish) a whole new series, watch a zillion comedian specials, re-open the door to your past by watching jillions of animated movies in the "Family" section... Instant browsing is your oyster!
Have you been struck down in the prime of lime?