DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK: The Return of the VLOG!
Sparklers, do you remember that great and terrible time in history when I used to post vlogs of myself and my enormous forehead on a regular basis? And then one day the vlogs just disappeared, and you fell to your knees, shook your fists at the sky, and wept? WELL WEEP NO MORE, FOR THE VLOG HAS RETURNED! *Pause for scattered clapping and cricket noises*
I'm going to post a video for you Sparklebutts once a week, on any topic you'd like–so PUR-LEASE, tell me what you're interested in, because my only ideas so far are "How to Floss" and "Finger Gun Dancing for Intermediate Semi-Professionals."
Today's vlog is my first foray back onto the small screen in nearly 3 years, and it is probably going to make you wish that video cameras were never invented. It is going to test your tolerance for pain. It is going to force you to ask, “DEAR GLOB, WHY DOES CHELSEA DAGGER EAT ICE CREAM LIKE THAT?!?” (The answer is SHUT UP.) I'm not going to lie to you, Sparklers: you should be afraid for your lives, but also for your hearts—because if this vlog doesn’t kill you, it will make you fall in love with me, GUARANTEED.
SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL? Confused? Overjoyed? Heartbroken? Numb? (That last one's normal, it's just from the ice cubes.) Have you ever made ice cream in a bag, and if so, was it salty? What should I vlog about next week? Are you impressed by how large my forehead is? CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW TO EAT ICE CREAM LIKE A REGULAR PERSON??