Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your brain can help your love life or it can hinder it, Aries; above all, don't rely too much on it, because it's pretty much just a weird lump inside your head. Don't trust your brain any more than you can throw it, which is about zero inches, because otherwise you would be dead. Your little-known fact of the month is that George Washington's false teeth were not wooden; rather, they were composed of other people's discarded teeth that he had found lying on the ground. Your backup fact is that, pound-for-pound, babies are stronger than adult humans, but weaker than adult ghosts. Your lucky shape is the astroid.