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How to Forget Your Crush

How to Forget Your Crush

By Lauren Ashley Bishop

Oh man. 2014 is starting off with a bang, huh? You got a new outfit for Christmas. You were SURE he was going to flip out when he saw you in it. Then you spotted him in the hallway - kissing his new girlfriend. WHAT.

OK look, nobody died. It's not the end of the world. It just FEELS like it. You didn't even get a chance to show him your new nail art! Well, maybe that's a good thing. Boys are still boys.

It's time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get to gettin' on though, girl. How do you forget those dimples and handsome smile and even START to think about someone else? Well, here's some suggestions to moi to you.



OK maybe you never had one. This one will be new anyway! It's time to focus on some other stuff you want. Take your magazines (that you promised yourself you'd recycle soon! whoops) from under your bed and start cutting out pictures of awesome stuff that ISN'T your crush kissing another girl. Cupcakes! A college scholarship! Jennifer Lawrence's new pixie cut! It's up to you. Are you gonna sit around and mope, or find one of those cupcake vending machines? Yeah: they exist.


Is this practical for everyone? No it is not. Did I say these would all be practical? I rest my case. Seriously though, there is nothing better in the world to get your mind off someone than rescuing a pawsitively adorable mutt. You're saving a life! It's saving your life! Plus your instagram will BLOW UP. No one cares what you ate for brunch. EVERYONE cares that you got a new puppy though. BONUS: guess who likes to cuddle with you when you're laying in bed still kind of sad? It's hard to stay bummed out when you're being smothered with kisses.


Let's think about what J-Law would do in this situation. Would she be like, "OMG I'll never find anyone else to love ever again!" No m'am, because J-Law knows she is the definition of amazing, and there are a butt ton (that's a lot) of guys out there who would be super lucky to have her. That's how you have to think too. Now get out there and photobomb people for no good reason except it's INCREDIBLY FUN because that's WJLWD.


Sure you could pine over a boy all day. OR you could check out some awesome DIY projects on Pintrest and unlock the creative goddess trapped in your hardworking brain. Make some cake pops! Learn 16 new ways to braid your hair! Figure out how to cut up all your dad's huge t-shirts and make them into some truly fierce tank dresses! Please ask him first, I accept no responsibility if you forget. However I would like to try those cake pops if you make them, do let me know.


So you liked a boy. Maybe you'd already secretly even daydreamed about walking down the aisle with said boy. What, me? Of course I've never done that. Except for about a MILLION times. I suggest watching the movie The Hangover and imagining that THAT is exactly what this crush of yours would have done. Lost teeth. Hookers. Tigers: no thank you. You're gonna wait for a boy that doesn't even want a bachelor party! Yes, that's it!


Remember what is truly important at this phase of your life right now: your girl friends. You can get to stupid boys later! You want to build the kind of friendships that end up in bachelorette weekends like this. They love each other like sisters. How kick butt is that? Plus it's good to laugh as much as possible when you're down, and man can you do that a lot watching every single woman in this movie.


Can you imagine how happy you'd be if you were sitting at home, heard the doorbell ring, and suddenly a friend was like, "Oh hey, I just thought I'd bring you some fresh baked homemade cookies for no reason." UH, I KNOW. TOTAL FLIP OUT. Now think on this: you could BE that someone. You could be the cookie fairy.  It's hard to think about a dumb crush when you're crushing it at making other people this happy.


Are you sitting down? Good. Are you ready for this? Google it. I'll wait. OMG I KNOW CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE THIS? There are so many videos of animals hugging I sometimes want to kiss the internet. Call me in 5 weeks when you finally finish them all. AS IF! THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE.


You could buy some in the grocery store, or maybe slip into your dentist's office unnoticed and borrow some of theirs. These mags don't have to be current, they just have to be trashy. Why? As wonderful & angelic humans as we try to be, sometimes it just makes us feel better to look at someone else's disaster. They're getting divorced! He cheated! She chopped off something important of his! At least your pain isn't public. Hey look, I know that doesn't fix how you're feeling, but sometimes it's nice to realize that it could always, always be totally worse.


If he can't see how awesome you are, why would you want him in the first place? It's not like he's Ryan Gosling. Unless your crush really is Ryan Gosling. In which case, back off. He's mine.

Topics: Life, Advice
Tags: crushes, unrequited love, feels, getting over someone, ways

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About the Author
Lauren Ashley Bishop

lauren ashley bishop is a comedian, writer, host, actress, voice over artist, improvisor, & anything else you'll pay her to do if makes people laugh. she understands stripping might count if those are the rules but unfortunately for you she does not do nudity. she's a northwestern grad & hails from arkansas by way of chicago (go hogs, go cats, go cubs, go bears). she has an unhealthy obsession with dogs & jake gyllenhaal & is seeking therapy for both. but please, don't make her capitalize her words. she hates that.

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