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34 Places To NEVER Hide Your Diary

34 Places To NEVER Hide Your Diary

By Jason Saenz

A diary (or if you are a modern woman, a "journal") is a sacred thing. It's a place all your dreams, wishes and most evil thoughts are kept. You wouldn't want those secrets to fall into the wrong hands would you? NO! Then make sure to never hide your diary in any the places listed below. You've been warned.

  1. In your sibling's dresser.
  2. Inside the backpack you leave by the front door.
  3. In a box marked "Private Thoughts."
  4. On the coffee table, next to 100 Hot Sports Cars.
  5. On complicated HTML code.
  6. On VHS tape.
  7. Inside the recesses of your mind.
  8. Inside Pharrel's hat.
  9. Right underneath your piggy bank.
  10. Inside the refrigerator.
  11. Where you dad keeps all the remotes.
  12. Underneath your mattress (so old-school).
  13. In the cookie jar.
  14. Where the dog likes to sleep.
  15. Inside the gym locker you share with two other people.
  16. Buried in the back yard underneath a huge "X."
  17. Inside the DVD box for Bridget Jone's Diary.
  18. On a ship leaving for Africa.
  19. Inside the toaster (could burn).
  20. Inside the matrix (chance Agent Smith will find it).
  21. Inside District 12 (the Capital may search and seize it).
  22. Inside the Sorting Hat (that guy likes to gossip).
  23. In between the shower curtains (may get wet).
  24. Inside the toilet tank (maybe get wet/stinky).
  25. Inside the mail box (might be accidentally sent to your crush).
  26. Inside your mouth (people might ask you something).
  27. As a official entry to the "National Agnsty Poem Competition."
  28. Inside your grandmother.
  29. In Olympic Village, Sochi.
  30. With a news reporter looking for fun, local pieces.
  31. Torn into individual pages and put in socks
  32. IN PLAIN SIGHT (that TV show starring Mary McCormick).
  33. Inside a larger, more conspicuous dairy.
  34. Inside that crappy magician's truck (may come out a rabbit).

Where do you recommend stowing your most important, intimate thoughts?

Topics: Life, Advice
Tags: history, secrets, lists, diaries, trapper keeper, inner thoughts, internal monologue

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About the Author
Jason Saenz

Jason Saenz is a writer in New York City. Follow him on Twitter @JasonSaenz!

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.