The 20 Greatest Getaway Vehicles
We’ve all seen chase scenes in movies. Usually they take place in a car, with some explosions over here, some close calls over there, all to distract us from the fact that we've seen this exact same scene a thousand times before. Rather than add special effects to enhance the car chase, why not change the car into a giant conch shell to enhance the special effects? Okay, that might not be as cool as it is in our heads. All we know is, it’s time to retire the car chase and make room for some more innovative vehicle chases. Whether they're in the movies or (please, please, please) in your actual life, here’s are the top 20 vehicles we want to see used in all future getaways:
- Conch Shell. This one, sadly, remains in our heads, so there you have it.
- Pink Electric Barbie Jeep. Never mind that it would make more sense to get out of it and run.
- Rocket Skates. Pretty much pick a noun, put the word rocket in front of it, and bam! We want to make a getaway in it.
- Intricate Network of Slides Obviously this scene ends in a ball pit. And then we eat pizza!
- Rocket Couch. See? Rocket is a magical adjective that guarantees excitement. So is "magical."
- Magical Cow. Behold the glory of the fabled magical cow chase scene! Who needs high-speed when you can have stately cow-speed?
- Saddled Leopard. Who cares if the leopard doesn’t know the way to the secret hideout? This would put a completely unexpected twist in your run-of-the-mill action sequence. This scene must include the line, “the leopard has landed.” Also, a timely leopard attack.
- Cupcake Truck. If it must be by motorized land vehicle, please let it involve cupcakes.
- Emu Let’s just agree that any getaway incorporating non-equestrian animals is completely awesome.
- Zebra We take that back. Horse getaways have been done in just about every western to date. A zebra, on the other hand, is like a magical super-horse from the future. You’re welcome, Hollywood.
- Squirrel. Squirrels need no vehicle. Do you want to see a squirrel rob a bank before making a hasty getaway? Obviously the answer is a unanimous, “yes, please."
- Log Rolling Polka music would have to play in order to make this incredibly strenuous yet slow-paced aquatic getaway seem exciting/hilarious.
- Snow Shoes How do we turn a getaway on foot into something memorable? Put snowshoes on everyone's feet! No snow required, that would be ridiculous.
- Shopping Cart Hopefully you only need to chase/be chased as far as the end of the parking lot, where the anti-theft device engages.
- Water Skis Let’s not worry ourselves with minor details involving convenience. You just so happen to find water skis the most sensible method of escape in the situation you're in. NBD.
- Riding Lawn Mower The preferred getaway vehicle of the landscape hooligan. (Also known as a green collar criminal.)
- Luggage Cart Just be sure to return it to the base station to receive your rebate.
- Unicycle Simultaneously playing circus music from the boom box on your shoulder will deter your aggressors from partaking in such an absurd chase.
- Giant Angry Wasp Nobody in their right mind would chase a giant angry wasp...that's large enough for you to ride it. (This chase scene happens in a science-fiction movie, probably called The Wasp!)
- Great White Shark If you are human, then you want to see a great white shark spliced into as many scenes as possible. That’s just a fact.
What's your amazing getaway vehicle?