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Signs You Are Sick and Need to Leave School Right Now

Signs You Are Sick and Need to Leave School Right Now

By Sara Jonsson

It's the time of year when we're all getting sick and some illnesses are more embarrassing than others (since everyone assumes you got mono from frenching), but are you ever sick enough to actually leave school? What does it take to convince everyone and yourself that you're not just faking to get out of running that insane mandatory mile, or taking that "pop" quiz your teacher gives you every Tuesday? Here are some pretty clear cut signs you need make like a tree and get out of there.

You fainted into your Hot Pocket. Simply put, Hot Pockets are really hot. It's in their name, and no one healthy is going to face-plant into one unless they are legit sick. Conversely, vomming up a Hot Pocket is no indication of real illness.

You start speaking in Elvish with out realizing it. This is normally fine, of course, but if the teacher calls on you and you answer in "tongues" he might think you're possessed, when you know you just have a high fever.

Your skin has a greenish hue. You can feel totally fine, and yet your face is the same color as Gollum's face. People are like, "Whoa, do you feel ok, you look really... pale." and you're like, "Why does everyone keep saying that, I feel fine—" and then BAM it hits you like a truck: puke everywhere. Don't risk it. Green skin=barfmageddon. (The author is speaking from experience. This happened to a guy in her eighth grade English class named Keaton.)

You get lost been A and B in math class, and were last seen on a wild tangent.

You start having fever hallucinations that you are participating in the Hunger Games. They might cart you away when you start to make a survival shelter under the bleachers out of sports banners and hoarding sharpened rulers.

The daggers in your uterus have taken a nearby organ hostage. Gracefully raise your hand to inform the teacher that you are "surfing the crimson wave" and need to be escorted home pronto.

You ate something weird as part of a dare: A cardboard box, some four-year-old bottle of ketchup, a moldy zucchini, you name it. If you're crazy enough to do something like that, you need to go home before the rest of us bare the brunt of your recklessness.

One or more of your bones are in places they should not be. We're talking dislocations, team. You can try to shake that arm back into its socket all you like, but you're better off seeking medical attention that dancing around in geography class.

You pooped your pants. Look, we're really sorry to say this, but it happens and you need to go home immediately. Maybe stop by the pants store on the way home.

How has your health fared this crazy winter?

Topics: Life
Tags: school, sick, signs, is this you?, call a doctor, school nurse, contagion

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About the Author
Sara Jonsson

Sara Jonsson is a Brooklyn-based writer, storyteller, and comic-book-movie lover. She can sometimes be found hosting variety shows, or writing web series about girls waiting in bathroom lines. She is from Montana and and dreams of one day interior designing ranch houses for a living.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.