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Live Blogging the 2014 Grammy Awards!

Live Blogging the 2014 Grammy Awards!

By Josh Sorokach

Welcome to the official 2014 SparkLife Grammy live blog! Whether you watched the Grammy Awards from the edge of your seat or made a "more like Grammy A-Snoreds" joke as you gleefully ignored the event, we're here to review every high note and low note from this year's show.

Ready, set, GRAMMY!

8:01 p.m.: The Grammy Awards waste no time by giving us the Beyonce & Jay-Z collaboration we all wanted, nay, NEEDED, as the two perform a sultry rendition of "Drunk in Love." Beyonce looked incredible, her duet with Jay-Z was three-T triple hottt-hottt-hottt, and in one fell swoop Queen Bey brought back the wet hair look AND changed the pronunciation of surfboard to "surfbort."

Performance Grade: A+

Twitter update: @CarolineSiede Do you guys think they rehearsed this in their living room while Blue Ivy clapped along? #Grammys #avctv

8:07 p.m.: Returning host LL Cool J welcomes us to the 56th Grammy Awards with a classic dad joke about the weather and by saying hi to his friend Taylor Swift. I sincerely hope this is foreshadowing a bicycle built for two LL Cool J/Taylor Swift "That's What Friends Are For" duet later in the evening.

8:12 p.m.: Anna Kendrick and Pharrell Williams, rocking the rarely seen "Western Cowboy meets Canadian Mountie" look, present the first Grammy for Best New Artist.

Anna Kendrick: "Um, this is just a little awkward and a little sad because Pharrell and I spent the last week rehearsing this super sexy version of "Drunk in Love," and I got a cold so they decided to let this 'other' power couple do it."

Winner: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis

8:14 p.m.: Daft Punk looks as dapper as ever.

8:15 p.m.: Lorde performs a dark and minimal rendition of "Royals."

Love the song, liked the performance.

Performance grade: C+

8:26 p.m.: Hunter Hayes sings an emotional version of "Invisible."

8:30 p.m.: Juanes and Anna Faris present the Grammy for Best Pop Duo or Group Performance to...

Daft Punk and Pharrell Williams for "Get Lucky."

8:34 p.m.: Katy Perry performs "Dark Horse " with Juicy Jay.

Perry promised a "spooky" performance, and the "Roar" singer certainly did not disappoint. It was a visually stunning presentation that I'd describe as the The Nightmare Before Christmas meets a double dose of NyQuil after watching Saw III.

Performance grade: B+

Twitter update: @andygreenwald Katy Perry performing on the stage the Academy built for Lorde before she rejected it.

8:43 p.m.: Robin Thicke and Chicago perform a medley of musical delight!

I had a "your dad has a midlife crisis meets a guy you'd never ever let drive your friend home from a party" joke all queued up, but this was an enjoyable performance.

Performance Grade: B+

8:56 p.m.: John Legend performs "All of Me."

I'm enjoying the mix of sincere and extravagant performances. While I like the spectacle, I'd choose the simplicity of John Legend and a piano over crazy theatrics any day of the week.

Performance grade: A

9:01 p.m.: Kevin Hart and Charlie Wilson present the Grammy Award for Best Rock Song to...

Dave Grohl, Paul McCartney, Krist Novoselic, and Pat Smear for "Cut Me Some Slack."

9:05 p.m.: Taylor Swift performs "All Too Well."

When you're covering a 4- to 20-hour award show like the Grammys, you're generally half watching/listening while researching or finding links, but I found myself 100% captivated by Swift's performance—not only for her remarkable ability to flawlessly perform a sensational seated headbang, but because she's just that good. You can actually feel her emotions during her performance. It's like Jake Gyllenhaal broke up with all of us.

Followed by a delightful, "That's right. I'm that good and I absolutely know it" death stare.

Performance grade: A+

Twitter update: @Vulture Taylor Swift's to the camera death stare just made a nation of boyfriends compulsively apologize. #Grammys

LL Cool J refers to Taylor Swift as his "friend" count: 2.

9:16 p.m.: Pink gives the performance of the night with a scintillating acrobatic aerial performance of "Try" AND "Just Give Me a Reason" with Nate Ruess.

Wow. Two completely different yet absolutely dynamic performances from Pink in the span of  a minute! LOVED. Remember that thought I had about enjoying substance over spectacle? Pink gave us BOTH!

Performance grade: A++

9:25 p.m.: Miguel and Ariana Grande present the Best Pop Solo Performance Grammy to Lorde.

Very important update: Pharrell Williams is still rocking his hat! He's such a trailblazer in the rising Indiana Jones fedora chic fashion movement.

9:37 p.m.: After Jamie Foxx hams it up, he eventually presents the Grammy Award for Best Rap/Sung Collaboration to...

Jay-Z & Justin Timberlake for Holy Grail!

Jay-Z: "I want to thank God a little bit for this award, but mostly for that and all the universe for conspiring to put that light of a young lady in my life (points to Beyoncé), and I wanna tell Blue that look, Daddy got a gold sippy cup for you."

Attention, world: This is how you accept an award!

Twitter update: @emilyexton Oh you thought you were watching the #GRAMMYs? Sorry, this is the Carter family's home movie night.

9:45 p.m.: Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons perform a "Radioactive/M.A.A.D City" mashup.

Warning: This performance may give you epilepsy, and will force you to dance. One of three performances I instantly rewatched (Taylor Swift/Pink being the other two). A definite highlight of the night for those in attendance.

Performance grade: A+

I bet everybody reading this wishes I was their professor. A+ for you and you and you...A+ for everybody!

Neil Patrick Harris Twitter update: @ActuallyNPH Only Pharrell Williams can prevent forest fires.

Agreed.

9:51–10:01 p.m.: Kacey Musgrave performs, followed by Paul McCartney and Ringo Star.

Performance grade: Incomplete. It's a four-hour show, people! Bathroom breaks are a necessity!

10:08–10:30 p.m.: Bruno Mars wins the Best Pop Vocal Album Grammy for "Unorthodox Jukebox," while Kacey Musgrave's "Same Trailer Different Park" wins the Grammy for Best Country Album.

10:35 p.m.: Daft Punk, Stevie Wonder, Nile Rodgers, and, making his estimated 100th appearance on tonight's program, the incomparable Pharrell Williams perform "Get Lucky."

Either create music, or put an end to Yogi Bear's reign of picnic basket thievery once and for all, Pharrell. You can't do both!

Performance grade: Hat!

10:50 p.m.: Carole King and Sara Bareilles perform a beautiful duet of "Brave," followed by presenting the Grammy for Song of the Year to...

Lorde for "Royals"

I'm happy for Lorde and genuinely enjoy "Royals," but I refused to listen to her acceptance speech because...

"I want to pretend I wrote "Royals" (royals)
Song writing don't run in my blood,
That kind of luxe just ain't for me.
Ohh... ooo... but let me live that fantasy"

10:51–10:56 p.m.: Within the span of five minutes, my living room light decided to take a permanent vacation and my TV remote stopped working. Is my living room protesting the length of the Grammys? I'm going Oregon Trail survival mode from here on out. Am I a hero? Yes.

11:00 p.m.: Jared Leto. Came on. Stage. And spoke. Like this. For about. An hour. Or so. I do not. Remember. Because. I. Blacked out.

Twitter update: @Vulture It should go, "From My So-Called Life, Dallas Buyers Club, and, FINE, 30 Seconds to Mars...Jared Leto" #Grammys

11:05 p.m.: Stephen Tyler insanes it up like it's 1971 and then, along with Smokey Robinson, presents Daft Punk with the 2014 Grammy for Record of the Year!

I've glossed over the fact that Daft Punk are been dressed like astronaut robots all night because I assume every French electronic musician dresses in a similar manner. Actually, I've never been to France, so it's possible that everyone in France dresses like that. Regardless, Daft Punk won, so as the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't stop dressing like a robot." Beep bop boop, Daft Punk (that means congratulations in robot).

11:30 p.m.: In an unforgettable Grammy moment, Macklemore, with a little help from Queen Latifah and Madonna, performed "Same Love" as 33 couples got married live at the Grammys.

Twitter update: @CarolineSiede Madonna looks like she should be a villain in Will Smith's Wild Wild West. #Grammys #avctv

11:45 p.m.: What a long, strange, long, entertaining night it's been. We finally made it! The 2014 Grammy for Album of the Year goes to...

"Random Access Memories," Daft Punk!

We did it! The 2014 Grammy Awards are history. We laughed, we cried, my apartment literally revolted against me, but we made it.

Grammy Yes: Daft Punk, Macklemore, Lorde, Jay-Z, Sara Bareilles and Carole King, John Legend, Taylor Swift

Grammy No: Jared Leto

Grammy What?: Pharrell Williams and Katy Perry

Grammy Whoa: Pink, Beyoncé

3:30 a.m.: UPDATE! No sleep for me tonight, because the song "Get Lucky" will NOT stop playing on a loop in my brain. Looks like "I'm up all night to the sun." Robots: 1 Hats: 1 Josh: 0

What did you think of this year's Grammy Awards? Who gets your vote for performance of the night?

Topics: Celebs & Stuff
Tags: awards, taylor swift, music, jay-z, beyonce, live blogging, pop stars, pink, grammys, award shows, celebs we love, anna kendrick, macklemore, 2014 grammys, pharrell williams

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About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

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