new years resolutions
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52 Bad New Years Resolutions
- This is the year I never take my cape off!
- This is the year I put lipstick on my teeth!
- This is the year I start more trashcan fires in my car!
- This is the year I poop my pants to sleep more!
- This is the year I fall in love with myself and never leave the shadows!
- This is the year I never finish ANYTHING!
- This is the year I sleep all day and cry all night!
- This is the year grow more embarrassing back hair!
- This is the year I get that cool trendy bowl hair cut!
- This is the year I fall asleep in a gutter!
- This is the year I take up smoking cigars at the daycare!
- This is the year I brood more about nothing!
- This is the year I move into a dog kennel!
- This is the year I eat 20 hotdogs a day and ignore my body telling me to stop!
- This is the year I stop washing my hands! Period!
- This is the year I move into the park and wear a bucket on my head!
- This is the year I run with scissors until I poke my stupid eyes out!
- This is the year I break all the mirrors!
- This is the year I start saving my farts in jars!
- This is the year I taking up miming. In the nude!
- This is the year I never sleep and scream about the spiders under my skin!
- This is the year I prove love isn’t real!
- This is the year I alienate my family!
- This is the year I become a shady drifter!
- This is the year I stop telling people the truth! Or will I!?
- This is the year I learn karate! For evil!
- This is the year I somersault into a camp fire!
- This is the year I tell everyone my name is “Poops McGee!”
- This is the year I learn the true meaning of hate.
- This is the year I have more regrets!
- This is the year that animals no longer can stand my presence!
- This is the year I only speak as Jar Jar Binks!
- This is the year I never challenge myself!
- This is the year I break my ankle!
- This is the year I get abducted by aliens! Mean ones!
- This is the year I throw up in your mail box!
- This is the year I destroy Easter!
- This is the year I stop brushing my hair! And teeth!
- This is the year I fight a bear! A real angry one!
- This is the year I rob a bank!
- This is the year I stop bathing!
- This is the year I stop exercising! My right to vote!
- This is the year I give up hope that I’ll ever be happy!
- This is the year I let things I can’t control get to me! Like the weather and people mispronouncing “gyro!”
- This is the year I get stung by more bees than any of you!
- This is the year I lose all of my friends!
- This is the year I teach my dog to bite innocent children!
- This is the year I ignore traffic safety!
- This is the year I poop the alphabet!
- This is the year I laminate my hand!
- This is the year I get scurvy!
- This is the year I pee on every lawn on my block!
Topics: Life
Tags: lists, funny, goals, new years resolutions, don't do this
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