20 New Year's Eve Mistakes That Rookies Make
New Year’s Eve is the one glitter-drenched night a year when we all manage to get everything right: we somehow find ourselves blessed with the dance moves of Beyoncé, the charm of Jennifer Lawrence, and the lustrous mane of Brad Pitt before he stopped using shampoo.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH—I’M KIDDING! I can’t speak for everyone, but I already know that at some point I’ll trip over my heels on the way into a bathroom and hit my head on the toilet. Tonight is ripe with opportunities for disaster, but if you can avoid these amateur mistakes, you’ll be ahead of the game! And if this still doesn’t help, take comfort in the knowledge that even Beyonce eats it HARD sometimes.
1. Wearing kitten heels.
2. Wearing kitten slippers.
3. Confusing the traditional midnight countdown with the chorus from the Optimum Triple Play commercial.
4. Taking the party host’s suggestion of "festive attire" to mean wearing a clown suit.
5. Deciding to try red lipstick for the first time.
6. Deciding to try twerking for the first time.
7. Deciding to try twerking at all.
8. Kissing your hamster, Enrique, at midnight (society just isn’t evolved enough to understand the love you share).
9. Accepting the cinnamon challenge.
10.Accepting the garlic challenge.
11. Forgetting to bring a machete in case the power goes out at midnight and you find yourself fighting for dusty cans of tuna, baked beans, and Spam.
12. Bringing your grandmother as your date because she gives the best smooches.
13. Being overeager when opening your tin of breath mints.
14. Mistaking an Exedrin PM for a really big, not-at-all-minty Tic Tac.
15. Telling your crush “I WANT TO START THE NEW YEAR BY SLURPING ON YOUR SALIVA!” while smacking your lips and winking.
16. Posing for photos with duck face, goose face, sloth face, or manatee face.
17. Telling people you’ve got five kisses lined up for midnight and then showing them the One Direction poster you have folded up in your purse.
18. Leaving your New Year’s Eve shades on while kissing a handsome partygoer at midnight, only realizing after you remove them that you were just playing tonsil tennis with your cousin Samuel.
19. Instead of shouting “Happy New Year!” on cue, yelling out “THE APOCALPYSE IS NOW!”
20. Deciding that while you wait for the ball to drop, maybe you'll just rest your eyes, only for a second, because you aren’t really that tired, so there’s no way you’ll actually fall asleep, and—OH, THIS COUCH IS LIKE A HEAVENLY CLOUD OF DREAMS!