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Let's Play Thanksgiving Bingo!

Let's Play Thanksgiving Bingo!

By Bo Larkin

Smell that? Mmmm…pie baking in the oven, smoky fireplace logs, the two smells mingling to create storybook holiday cheer. (We'll omit the smell of your uncle’s cheesy feet, propped up on the papasan in front of the fireplace.) Sooo...what should we do? Wanna play a game? How about Thanksgiving bingo?! Just print and fill out your Bingo card with all the mishaps, loveable quirks, and hilarious antics that you expect to unfold over the course of your crazy happy family's Thanksgiving feast. Ready? Sit back and enjoy the show!

1. Turkey is overcooked, Mom blames Dad. (Who made his sole appearance in the kitchen during football halftime to grab a Coke from the fridge.)

2. Creepy uncle references Miley Cyrus’s video Wrecking Ball. For the third time.

3. Dog steals the turkey, then strikes up a defensive, snarling pose, protecting her dinner from anyone trying to steal it back.

4. Sister manages to steer every conversation back to her new boyfriend.

5. Dad accidentally eats decorative chocolate leaf intended to top Mom’s homemade pie.

6. Dad accidentally sits on Mom’s homemade pie.

7. Grandpa tells of the time he jumped off his naval unit’s aircraft carrier and out-swam a shark.

8. Brother just happens to be playing awesome guitar during the arrival of each and every guest.

9. Brother turns the pre-dinner toast into a promotion for his band’s upcoming show.

10. Mom’s toast ends with “…and may God bless the Kennedys.”

11. Dad’s toast includes the Chicago Bears, his favorite deli counter employee, and the Toyota Prius.

12. Sister absolutely nails the toast. Mom gets choked up.

13. Creepy Uncle is thankful for Miley Cyrus.

14. Cousin shows up in sweatpants.

15. Feral squirrel runs across dinner table, chaos ensues.

16. Brother’s girlfriend asks if the mashed potatoes are vegan.

17. Sister’s boyfriend accidentally kisses Grandma on the lips.

18. Cousin’s boyfriend licks his plate.

19. Annoying siblings play Heart and Soul piano duet.

20. Dog farts, everyone pretends like nothing is horribly wrong.

21. Uncle farts, blames dog.

22. Slandered dog bites uncle.

23. Sister insists everyone stop what they're doing to recognize how cute the ugly dog is.

24. Aunt is the worst person in human history.

24. Aunt doesn’t know she has something green in her teeth. Dinner hasn’t been served yet.

25. “Cool” uncle won’t stop ending his improbable juvenile stories with “YOLO.”

26. Grandma thinks Nixon is doing a terrible job.

27. Grandpa tells you about life before “the world wide web.”

28. Creepy uncle mentions that you’re “all grown up now.”

29. Guy who everyone thought was your cousin’s boyfriend disappears with all the silverware.

30. Nobody talks about the elephant in the room, minding its own business.

31. Dad leans over a candle, accidentally lighting his shirt on fire. Which already had burn marks from last year.

32. Mom shows off her twerking skills.

33. Grandma also shows off her twerking skills.

34. A twerking dance party erupts as you and your siblings run in terror.

35. You return to find everyone passed out, mid-twerk, in turkey-induced food comas.

 What embarrassing family moment do you expect to live through tomorrow? 

Topics: Life
Tags: holidays, family, thanksgiving, ridiculous things, funny things, family gatherings, embarrassing situations, bingo

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About the Author
Bo Larkin

Based out of Chicago, Bo Larkin, aka Bryan Albert, makes a living as a writer and musician. Bryan comprises half of the cabaret/art song duo "Lovers' Quarrel" and is a guitar teacher and ensemble coach at Sherwood at Columbia College and Southport Performing Arts Conservatory. Check him out at Chicagoguitarist.com and @bogitano

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.