True Facts About Janet Manley
Janet has terrible photo faces, but amazing driving faces, which sadly no one will ever get to appreciate unless they SLOW DOWN.
Janet grew up in Australia. Her mother is teacher and her father is a wallaby.
Janet talks about herself in the third person behind her back the second she leaves the room.
Janet is a hair farm.
Janet is a level 2-certified ski instructor.
Janet is a level 4-uncertified GIF maker.
Janet has permanent pins in her ankle, and permanent ankles in her pins.*
Janet grew up under a hole in the ozone layer, which probably means she can survive in outer space.
Janet generates copper sulphate crystals instead of tears. When she watched Christian the Lion, her desk ended up LITTERED with riches.
Janet has worked as a ski patroller.
Janet volunteers as a cheese patroller.
Janet was a bingo number caller for two (2) days. All the twos.
Janet once worked as a bread factory worker, and was told she was “way better than the last guy.” But the last guy turned out to only have one arm.
Janet loves to “hike,” or what Australians call “bush walk.” It’s also called “bush-walking” when you get lost in a Christmas tree pen in a Target parking lot.
Janet has been given exactly two gingerbread house kits, because her friends know she loves gingerbread. She has eaten exactly two gingerbread house kits prior to assembly.
Janet lived in Utah for a bit, and could never get the silent “h” right.
Janet was an early adopter of kale.
Janet used to be a vegetarian deli-meat slicer. She is still a vegetarian.
Janet’s first boyfriend was three-year-old Dennis from next door, when she was three. Janet wasn’t asked out again for another fifteen years.
Janet went to Indonesia as a kid, and the locals kept wanting to pat her ginger hair. Janet took this as a sign that she is a good luck omen.
Gigantic earlobes run in Janet’s family. One day she will take flight, never to return.
Janet gets major crushes on male, indie folk bands. She also gets major crushes on inanimate banjos dressed in flannelette.
Janet doesn’t get why it’s called an autoharp if you still have to strum it.
Janet has a tiny forehead just big enough to write “SURPRISE!” on it in 48pt font under her bangs.
Janet hit a car trying to parallel park in her driving test.
Janet loves maps. Janet hates backwards maps. Janet hates spam.
Janet doesn’t understand why there aren’t more log flume rides. Or flumes in general.
Janet hates people who talk about themselves all the time.
Like they just go on and on about themselves.
And never ask anyone else any questions.
Janet’s first pet was a cat called “Oyster.” Her last pet will be an oyster called “Goodbye.”
Janet can only wear baggy sweaters during a new moon.
Janet’s grandma has tried to give her deportment lessons for five birthdays.
Janet’s star sign is Cancer the crab. Cancerians are known for their tough outer sh--LEAVE ME ALONE.
Janet is the creator of diabetes surprise, a dessert that consists of Nerds sprinkled over rainbow sherbet.
Janet’s first job was as a junior sailing instructor at age 11, which is illegal, so she was paid in candy bars.
Yes, Janet likes Vegemite.
Janet once skied every month around the year in Australia, which is twelve more months than you probably thought Australia had snow.
One of Janet’s favorite books growing up was The Lion, the Witch, and the Cupboard. Because RECESSED CUPBOARDS, PEOPLE.
Janet can drive a stick as well as the next branch.
Janet’s dog wears a kerchief, and is the Paul Newman of dogs.