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23 Ways Books Saved You

23 Ways Books Saved You

By Ashley Brooke Roberts

Paramount/20th Century Fox/B&N

Check all the book rescues below that apply to you:

1. I found someone to identify with!
2. When the Titanic sunk, I clung to my copy of Infinite Jest to stay afloat.
3. High school can be so tough, but I learned through books that it does get better.
4. I beat my attacker over the head with a hardcover edition of Alice in Wonderland.
5. While walking down the hall reading The Fault in Our Stars, I bumped into my crush who was ALSO WALKING AND READING THE SAME BOOK. He finally noticed me, and we’ve been together ever since.
6. One time I was skydiving and my parachute didn’t open. I panicked, but then remembered my copy of I Want My MTV and used it as a cushion upon landing.
7. After reading Twilight I realized that the weird guy with glittery skin in my Biology class was a vampire. Finally, I had a conversation opener.
8. I was stranded in Italy without my translation guide. Luckily, I remembered my copy of Beautiful Ruins and used it to help me with the language basics.
9. I finally understand now that there are a lot of different points of view in the world and everyone has their own unique perspective. On punctuation usage, in particular.
10. Lost in the Amazon, I was bitten by a poisonous snake. A village doctor treated my wounds and cared for me in exchange for my dog-eared copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day.
11. I exposed myself to fascinating spiritual beliefs from around the world and came to terms with my own feelings about what religion means to me: great hats.
12. The FBI mistook me for a criminal mastermind they’d been searching for for years. After snapping surveillance pictures of me reading The Awakening, they realized their mistake: the person they are looking for is illiterate.
13. Having grown up in a broom closet under the stairs, with an odd scar on my forehead, I always felt out of place. Harry Potter gave me a hero to pin my hopes and dreams to, an underdog to rally behind, and a hairstyle to aspire to.
14. I was being chased by a rapid dog. I threw my copy of An End of an Affair at his head and it ended our affair(chase).
15. I learned how to laugh at life.
16. Stranded on a tropical island, I built an aqueduct out of pages from The Confederacy of Dunces.
17. When I first began questioning mainstream society, I felt really alone. Then, I found books that seemed to understand my uncertainty with the status quo. I realized I wasn’t alone but had a whole community of people who related to what I was going through.
18. I always have a good friend to keep me company, even when everyone in my life is busy.
19. Reading was the winning argument with my parents as to why I needed a kitten and rocking chair in my room.
20. Starving in the African Sahara, I was able to stay alive just long enough off pages of Wise Blood until a rescue party found me.
21. My vocabulary increased ten times since I upped my reading level and I received an almost perfect SAT score.
22. Swimming off the coast of Australia, I was attacked by a great white shark. Within seconds, I remembered I had my copy of Tine Fey's Bossy Pants in my pocket. I shoved the book down the shark's throat and watched with relief as he swam away.
23. Now I have something to share with my little siblings who I thought I would never be able to relate to in a significant way.

What is your tally?! How many times have books rescued you?!

Topics: Books
Tags: books we love, lists, titanic, survival, bibliophilia

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About the Author
Ashley Brooke Roberts

Ashley Brooke Roberts is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor living in Brooklyn. She's a performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and can usually be found smiling at random dogs on the street. Follow her on twitter at @AshleyBRoberts.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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