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Dorm Room Urban Legends

Dorm Room Urban Legends

By Anthony DeVito

The Hunchback of Notre Dame! Bigfoot! The Loch Ness Monster! Affordable education! What do they all have in common? They're urban legends? Yes! Specifically non-college campus-related urban legends. Here’s are some urban legends that will send a chill through everyone at Lionel Hall.

The first story takes us to the sunny skies of the Orlando Academy of Applied Sciences. A medical student was assigned to work on a cadaver for an in-class dissection, but upon looking at the dead body, the student realized she and the cadaver shared the exact same features. Just as the medical student was about to make her first incision, the lifeless body awakened and screamed out “It’s a Christmas miracle!” As it turns out, the medical student and the cadaver were long-lost identical twins. According to twin science, a comatose twin can only be awoken by its other half. What makes this story creeeeeepy is that the sleeping cadaver yelled out “it’s a Christmas miracle!” when both the cadaver and the medical student were—get this—culturally Jewish.

A quick trip to the Kansas City School of the Visual Arts and Farts is where we’re headed for this next tale of woe. Two friends decided to party all weekend instead of studying for their upcoming final, telling their professor that a flat tire caused them to miss the exam. The professor, a cunning woman, said it wouldn’t be a problem for them to retake the test. So, on the day of the retake, each student was placed in a separate room. The first question was simple and worth 5% of their grade. But, the second question was "Which tire?" and worth 95% of their grade. Luckily, both of students answered correctly and went on to receive passing grades in chemistry. However, the professor, a cunning woman, was fired by the school on the grounds of being unprofessional. But, fear not, because that woman was future Hollywood royal Sandra Bullock.

For this urban legend, we’ll need to travel to just west of the Mississippi River to the Just West of Mississippi River campus. This legend centers around a male student who meets a cute girl at a party and goes back to her room—that is the last thing he remembers. In the morning, he wakes up completely naked in a bathtub filled with ice. His kidneys feel bruised and sore, and when he goes to use the bathroom, his urine comes out as orange juice. Apparently, the girl who brought him back to her room was a medical student who carefully replaced his kidneys with bottles of Tropicana orange juice, "some pulp." Look, student loans are expensive and kidneys are a hot commodity on the black market. If you’re going to have your kidneys replaced by something else, orange juice isn’t so bad. It’s a great source of Vitamin C.

What is the creepiest dorm room urban legend on your floor?

Topics: Life, College Makeovers
Tags: urban legends, college life, education, horror stories, organ transplants, cadavers

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.