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Reviewing the Reviews: The Hunger Games Edition

Reviewing the Reviews: The Hunger Games Edition

By Josh Sorokach

Reviewing the reviews is back—and dare we say better than ever? In order to cure our insatiable appetite for Netflix commenting tomfoolery, we sifted through over 2,000 uniquely special reviews of The Hunger Games to bring you the very best in Internet commenting. The way it works is simple: we give you a real, unedited review that we found of the The Hunger Games, and then we review that review.

We cannot stress enough that these are REAL reviews of The Hunger Games. Actual human beings, seemingly not under any duress, wrote these words in this exact order on a public website. Ready, set, Netflix!

Netflix Review: at last netflix has a great movie actually 2 good movies ( home alone 3) this was romantic action you got to watch it. Five stars.

Sorry, Star Wars. Better luck next time, Titanic. Phone home? More like "GO HOME, E.T., because there's a new sheriff in town and his name is Home Alone 3. Do you think this commenter loves the plot and general shenanigans of the Home Alone franchise, but just absolutely hates Macaulay Culkin? If you wrote this review, please send us your list of top 10 favorite movies. We're willing to bet Beethoven's 2nd makes an appearance. Five stars.

Netflix Review: Too much killing of innocents. Not enough revolution. "When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty." Thomas Jefferson. Two stars.

"Do not quote me to help prove your ridiculous argument about a fictitious movie. I WROTE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!" –Thomas Jefferson. Four stars.

Netflix Review: A crappy re-imagining of Battle Royal for stupid white people who dislike brutality. One star

Wow. Even for the unpredictable Netflix comments section this remark is fairly derisive. Can you imagine this person's Match.com profile? "Single, racist human looking for a fellow racist who loves brutality, hates movies, and enjoys long walks on segregated beaches." Zero stars.

Netflix Review: People who like this movie (including the director, author, scrip writer, production ect.) have never spend more then 1 day in the woods. talking about boring! my camping trip was more exciting then this. oh please. but i understand, people live comfortably in their air conditioned home like this. One star.

Talking about boring indeed! Ignoring the litany of grammatical mistakes, antipathy toward air conditioning, and what we're sure is a very scientific hypothesis regarding the outdoor acumen of the production staff, we're left with one very important question: WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS CAMPING TRIP?! Netflix commenter, if you know how to read, meet us over at the Silver Linings Playbook comments section to give us your exciting, and more than likely grammatically unpredictable, summary! Four stars.

Netflix  Review: My wife and daughter LOVED this movie. But since I'm the one stuck writing the review, I will rate it the way I thought is should be... 3 stars!

Hey everyone! Want to know a crazy, sexy, cool thing about America? Under our current constitution you're not legally required to give us your opinions on ANYTHING! This includes but is not limited to: when/how often you visit the gym, what you're eating, your baby's bathroom habits, pictures of your food, when you're too tired to jog, and whether you're happy, sad, hungry, tired, Dopey, Bashful, or Doc. You can share these opinions, but you are in no way, shape, or form obligated to share these opinions! One star.

Netflix Review: I<3 the hunger games and I<3 peeta and katniss is awesome so is prim and rue (Ed. Note: followed by 309 exclamation points). Five stars.

Netflix Review: I will forever now have a bad taste in my mouth because of this film. I am saddened by the fact that the youth of today can see this and say " this was a excellent film" What hope is there left for the future of hollywoood when this is what is expected to flow from its doors. Please, if you are not a thirteen year old girl, move on to a movie with substance. Five frowny faces :( :( :( :( :( One star.

What a divisive movie! 309 exclamation points from one reviewer and five frowny faces from another!? If Anna Kendrick knocked on my door and asked, "Hey handsome, want to share a plate of spaghetti and meatballs with me, Lady and the Tramp–style" I'd still only use 15, maybe 20 exclamation points to describe our encounter on Facebook.

Netflix Review: The director and the camera crews need to be dragged into the streets and publicly hung. One star.

We're going to be 100% honest with you, this kind of seems like a bit of an overreaction. One star.

Netflix Review: Sad movie if you like kids being killed! you sick people are sick and need to re look at your life 1 star

So by your logic it's a happy movie if you hate kids being killed? You so crazy. One star, silly!

Netflix Review: I gave this 2 stars because the acting & filming were good. However, I found the violence to be so disturbing it is hard to describe. This should be an R rated movie for the brutality: CHILDREN KILLING CHILDREN!!! There is no excuse for writing a book or producing a movie about this subject. I worry about the sick mind that came up with this! Signed, A former children's librarian. Two stars.

Why aren't you a children's librarian anymore? Two stars.

Netflix Review: it is not a very impressive movie ! I didnt like it ! but I am entitled to my opinion ! One star.

No argument here! Four stars.

Netflix Review: As a senior citizen this is not my usual choice; but I did want to see what all the 'fuss' was about. I am somewhat surprised to say that I liked this film a lot;in fact, I am now reading the book. Grandma Kae. Four stars.

Grandma Kae, you are the textbook definition of adorable. Five stars.

Netflix Review: The Hunger Games, was a dumb movie, sick story sick plot more to the point this movie is dumb just dumb. to teens come out as to victors and the spectators got mad this movie just was dumb.. i have no more to say. Two stars.

One star.

Netflix Review: The Hunger Games did not arouse any positive or negative emotions in me, which are the main objectives of any art form. Two stars.

Bleep. Bloop. Blurg. I. Am. A. Robot. Movie Didn't. Register. Emotion. Boop. Blurg. Four. Stars.

We love you, Netflix commenting community. Never, ever, ever change.

What did you think of The Hunger Games?

Topics: Life, Celebs & Stuff
Tags: the hunger games, funny things, online communities, internets, netflix, reviewing the reviews, netflix reviews

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About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.