Skip over navigation

Signs You've Been on the Computer Too Long

Signs You've Been on the Computer Too Long

By Sara Jonsson

Have you been on the computer too long? Are we destined to become a generation of really good-looking people with carpal tunnel syndrome and chairs fused to our butts? (Who wants to write that sci-fi novel?) But the problem is there is too much internet to internet. If any of these have ever happened to you, go to WebMD and ask a doctor (via chat) if you've been on the computer too long. Then watch a cat video while you wait for a reply.

You create a meme dialect and speak memeese. Everyone gets really bummed out around you.

Your toes get fat. For real take off those slippies and look at those foot sausages! Quick! Get to Amazon and order some circulation socks!

To feel better about life, you visit Pinterest instead of going outside to breathe fresh air.

You're truly madly deeply convinced you need one of those exercise balls to sit on to improve your posture.

Your mom has asked why your eyes are glassy and teary and weird, and why it looks like the light has gone from them. I've been INTERNETING, Mom.

You yell "LIKE!" when someone you're talking to makes a good point.

You cant explain a story unless you send the source article first.

Your hand moves to a mouse to scroll to the next page when you're reading a book or magazine that's made out of paper.

You start seeing the world in binary code Matrix like Neo does. (There's nothing actually wrong with this. We could use your brain.)

You start making keyboard errors when you write freehand, scribbling an N for a B because they're next to each other on the keyboard. FREAKY.

You try and find the little (X) button on people who are being annoying. (Le sigh. It is not there.)

You become a blogger. NOOOOOOOOldkgghhrrrffbbppthhthtfacemeltsoff

Have you been here too long???

Topics: Life
Tags: lists, computers, signs you're stressed, headdesk, interneting

Write your own comment!

OR

About the Author
Sara Jonsson

Sara Jonsson is a Brooklyn-based writer, storyteller, and comic-book-movie lover. She can sometimes be found hosting variety shows, or writing web series about girls waiting in bathroom lines. She is from Montana and and dreams of one day interior designing ranch houses for a living.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.