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How to Get Over Halloween

How to Get Over Halloween

Good morning! Right now you're probably stumbling out of bed toward your uniform (blazer, tie, white shirt, tartan skirt) or "uniform" (plaid shirt, skinny jeans, beanie, Buddy Holly glasses), with tangles of clip-in hair snagging on the door handle, and latex clumps still dangling from your face. HOW EPIC WAS HALLOWEEN! You think to yourself as you detach one of the extra limbs you forgot to remove last night after the candy run. "Ugh, I have lipstick in my eye again," you note to yourself as you look pitifully in the mirror, "and my elf ears have given me tinnitus."

First, let's all tell ourselves IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT! You have woken up in a haypile of Reese's pieces and 2 Musketeers with muscles sore from too much Lil Kim impersonation, and realize you have voluntarily covered your house and yard in rubbish, but it was all in good, pagan fun. Now for the cleanup.

Cobwebs: Again, let's take a moment to remember that this linty, cobwebby mess is something we PUT THERE ON PURPOSE. You could carefully unpick the loops of cotton from the stair bannister and light fittings, or you could just get the Hoover WindTunnel and vacuum those babies up.

Fake gravestones: While it's tempting to leave these up until next Halloween (which is already approaching!), they're not so much the cheery "Christmas lights in May!" ambiance that neighbors are likely to put up with. If you do want to procrastinate, just keep from raking up the leaves for a few days. No one will know they're there. After that, put your gravestones back in their boxes.

Dangling scarecrows: I hate ravens! Keep these up.

Front-yard animatronics: Enough with your bellowing, retractible Frankenstein. Every time he comes up out of the earth it messes with next door's garage door. He is going to have to go back into the box.

Plastic pumpkins: To the cemetary! These plastic atrocities are done with. (Please reuse!)

Real pumpkins: These chaps are JUST GETTING STARTED! It is pumpkin season all the way to Thanksgiving, although the creepy chisel of Simba crying at Mufasa is now not okay.

Your face: If you're still wearing someone else's face, it's time to take it off. That includes you, Horse boy.

Your belief in the occult: Time to pack that away too, champ.

How was your Halloween, team?



Topics: Life
Tags: halloween, pumpkins, cleanup, face-off, leftover tombstones

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About the Author
Janet Manley

Janet is the Sparkitor who most resembles a common field potato, and isn't opposed to pineapple appearing on a pizza. She is proof that dreams can come true, as long as your dream is to share a love seat with Benjamin Barnes for nine and a half minutes after standing him up for five because you can't work out hotel elevators. Janet once had a smexy dream where Haymitch Abernathy hugged her meaningfully, which I think means they are married now. She would like to third-person you on Twitter @janetmanley

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