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Ways to Maximize the Back of the Your Toilet Door

Ways to Maximize the Back of the Your Toilet Door

By Anthony DeVito

Dorm rooms are generally the size of a magician's box, so its crucial that you make the most of all your fancy space with false floors, mirrors and chickens. This goes doubly for the bathroom! (Especially regarding chickens.) Here are a few ways to maximize the back of your toilet door.

  1. Tape a copy of your favorite Robert Frost poem to the back of the toilet door. That way, when you use the bathroom you can reflect not only on your last meal, but also life.
  2. Fasten some kind of audio chip to the door. Then, similar to a greeting card, every time it’s flipped open the audio device will play a tune or a voice recording. You can set it to play snippets of popular songs such as Katy Perry’s “Roar” or Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball.” Or just record a reminder to yourself, like “stop Google-searching Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus!”
  3. Attach a picture of your mother or father making a disappointed face to the back of the door. That way, you’ll always remember to wash your hands.
  4. Color the back of the door red. Then, spray perfume all over it. Get ready for romance!
  5. Tape a bunch of one hundred dollar bills to the back of the door. This doesn’t serve any real purpose, but it seems like something Kanye West might do and might make you feel closer to him—always a step in the right direction. Next stop, leather hat!
  6. Hire one of your fellow classmates who is studying science or engineering and get them to convert the back of your door into a touch screen tablet. Then, you can watch movies, cruise the internet and listen to music all while wearing no pants. Just like a blue blood!
  7. Go on the internet and find an image of an audience enjoying a concert or sporting event. Print out that image and glue it to the back of the door. Every time you go the bathroom, look down at the picture. A feeling of pride should wash over you as your take in the faces cheering your accomplishment. This technique will also help you get over your fear of peeing in public.
  8. Tape a picture of the person who bullied you most in high school to the back of the door, and fire away! With Nerf bullets, of course. This will save you thousands of dollars of therapy over the next ten years.
  9. Draw or mount bits of leaves and grass to the back of the door. Enjoy the freeing sensation of going to the bathroom in nature without actually having to go to nature or buy waders.
  10. Take a magic marker and draw in two circles and a nose sideways on the door. Every time you open the door it will look like someone has just opened their mouth. This hilarious jape will keep you laughing all the way through college to your first job as a post grad, which is likely to be an entry-level position at a company that makes batteries.
  11. Glue a copy of your class schedule to the back of the door. This way, whenever you go to the bathroom, you’ll know whether you should or shouldn’t be doing that right now!

Toilet doors ahoy, Sparklers. What's on yours?

Topics: Life, College Makeovers
Tags: college, miley cyrus, bathrooms, dorm rooms, learning, decoration

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.