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True Facts About John Green

True Facts About John Green

By Ashley Brooke Roberts

Uh, okay you guys know we love love love John Green. Is there anything he can't do?! Not really! Read on for true facts about John Green ...

  1. John Green has a stable of rhinoceroses he feeds with gold nuggets he pulls out of the ground like carrots.*
  2. John Green doesn’t sleep.
  3. John Green has never had to deal with ads while watching web videos. He squints his eyes when they start and they immediately turn themselves off.
  4. Kryptonite is actually John Green.
  5. An intergalactic treaty was signed by the leaders of all the major galaxies agreeing to leave Earth alone as long as John Green is alive. Little do they know, he’ll live forever.
  6. John Green knows who shot Tupac and Biggie Smalls. He made sure justice was served.
  7. One drop of John Green’s blood makes any wish come true. Too bad he’s never bled.
  8. The original title of Interview with a Vampire was Interview with John Green, before Anne Rice got scared and claimed the biography was a fictional novel.
  9. Mosquitos hide from John Green.
  10. The human brain is 75% water. John Green’s brain is 75% jet fuel.
  11. The day John Green was born, his doctor retired, stating that his career had reached its pinnacle achievement.
  12. The three most spoken English phrases are "Hello," "Stop," and "John Green Saved Us!"
  13. In ancient Rome, it was considered a sign of leadership to be born near John Green.
  14. Dueling is legal in the United States as long as one of the parties is John Green.
  15. It is biologically impossible for a rose to smell better than John Green.
  16. John Green can live for three years without eating. And then all he needs is one rasher of bacon.
  17. NASA uses videos of John Green doing push-ups as part of its training program.
  18. It’s not impossible for John Green to lick his elbow. He does it all the time.
  19. Michael Jackson learned how to do the moon walk from John Green after seeing him at a party.
  20. John Green’s bones are stronger than concrete. Heavier, too.
  21. John Green karate chops a block of word to create 7.5 million toothpicks whenever he’s running low.
  22. A strand of John Green’s hair is one of the ingredients in dynamite.
  23. Mice have a phobia of John Green.
  24. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a picture of John Green somewhere.
  25. Everyone but John Green lives about 80 milliseconds in the past, because that's how long it takes our brains to process information. John Green lives in the future.
  26. Over 30% of Twitter accounts are fake accounts created by the FBI and CIA to spy on John Green and monitor his social networking activity.

Sparkitor's Note: The Sparkler population correctly noted that John Green hates unicorns, and so would be unlikely to host them, unless as an act of extreme passive aggression or attempt to force the evolution of his unicorn views.

Topics: Books
Tags: books we love, legends, myths, john green, the fault in our stars, true facts, kryptonite

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About the Author
Ashley Brooke Roberts

Ashley Brooke Roberts is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor living in Brooklyn. She's a performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and can usually be found smiling at random dogs on the street. Follow her on twitter at @AshleyBRoberts.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.