After a stressful day of making straight As and being the most popular girl in school, you’re exhausted. So, you rush home, turn on the hot purified water that filters into your spa-size porcelain jacuzzi and add a splash of imported French lavender oil. Four hundred candles light themselves at the clap of your hands, saving you the hassle of handling them individually and allowing you extra time to rub your scalp with an egg beater. You relax into the fragrant water as you gaze up into the starry night sky through the glass dome above your jacuzzi and think of all your suitors ... JK! You’re actually sharing a bathroom with a whole floor of filthy freshmen. They’re gross, you don’t know them, and your roommate thinks she just got athletes foot from the showers. If only there was a guide to turning my bathroom dorm routine into a spa experience, you sigh as you get your flip flops on and head to your communal showers. Well, look no further Sparklers! We are here to help with a step-by-step guide to adding a bit of day-spa razzle dazzle to your dorm shower experience.
1. Buy products you like: It’s a no brainer, but having body care products you like makes you excited to use them and in turn encourages a more enjoyable shower experience. (Products we like include Fresh Sake Bath and solid gold bullion.)
2. Get a bathroom attendant: Hire a retired person who's restless in their old age to hand you a towel and a mint after you use the toilet. It'll be like Driving Miss Daisy only with lots of air freshener.
3. Make a “KEEP OUT: DEEP PIPE CLEANING IN PROGRESS” sign and post it on the door of the bathroom whenever you want to do your thing. Having the whole place to yourself increases the relaxation of your shower by 60%. FACT. What’s more stressful then trying to apply a mud-mask while listening to people talk three feet away from you? Nothing. If you hear someone trying to come in, shout “I’ve never seen so much poop! It’s everywhere!” They’ll stay out.
4. Burn a candle in the shower. But it’s going to get wet! you whine. Find a way to not have it get wet. Or burn it for a second, inhale the relaxing scent and then blow it out before turning on the shower. That is what James Taylor does.
5. Have a really plush towel and robe: Ask for one for your birthday or some holiday. We did this last year and IT CHANGED OUR LIVES. An aristocratic robe will make you DUKE of your shared bathroom. Getting out of a hot shower and wrapping yourself in a big, fluffy robe and towel is one of life’s truest pleasures. Even better, get a mace.
6. Fake it ‘til you make it: Tell everyone you are going to the spa. Write it on your room’s whiteboard, post it as a status update, leave it as your voicemail on your phone. Then go take a shower in your dorm’s bathroom.
7. Bring a magazine: Catch up on ALL the gossip as you steam away in the shower.
8. Make your roommate bring you hot tea: You’re busy exfoliating and she’s all “Miss? Would you like some green tea?” *Scrub scrub scrub* “With a drop of honey” you answer back.
9. Play some relaxing music: Better yet, catch and cage some birds to chirp while you spend your beauty time in the bathroom. Then return them to nature.
10. Eat some pizza in the shower: Everybody does it, but nobody talks about it.
11. Take a nap afterwards: Nothing says "I just spent a day at the spa" better than a post-soak nap. Relaxing can be so exhausting!
There you go, team. Good luck. Godspeed. And don’t forget to tip your bathroom attendant.