*Disclaimer: this is what happens when Sloth, Cindy, Epo and a few others get very bored on the OT. Any resemblance to real persons or events is completely coincidental.*
Once upon a time there was a boy, named Harry, destined to be a star. But before he was destined to be a star, first he had to become a JANITOR! In a far off castle called Hogwarts.
But his parents were killed by Voldermort, who gave him a lightning scar. Hagrid came and said, 'YO HARRY! YOU'RE A WIZARD! DON'T BLINK!' so Harry transports himself to Hogwarts, he meets Ron and Hermione. They bond over getting flying candles wax dripped on their heads and McGonagall requires that they play for Gryffindor along with Katniss Everdeen. But Draco is a daddy's boy and only plays to win. He makes an alliance with the careers and the resulting fight on the field only ends when Nacanaca intercedes and says "don't ruin the story!"
So, ten points are deducted for the careers' bad behaviour and all parties are sent to the their dorms in temporary disgrace. That was when...the TARDIS materializes in the middle of the field. Then ...out tumbles a mad looking man with a bow tie and a very scottish girl wearing implausible clothing for the weather. She claims she was dressed for Rio, not here, then asks exactly where here is, and a very confused man with a big nose trips out after her.The Griffidor crew seize their chance and slink away from detention during the distraction. Harry is curious about the strange blue box and suggests they investigate. Hermione suggests that it could get them expelled, and the boys suggest what they think of that with simultaneous withering looks and go ahead. Hermi and Katniss somewhat reluctantly follow.
And then, a werewolf runs out of the forbidden forest. Katniss casually fires an arrow throw it's eye then is suddenly sucked into a (completely inexplicable) black hole leaving Peeta all alone (even though he wasn't even there before). But it's ok, for at this point he meets Cindy and is so dazzled he accepts her proposition to ride off into the sunset on unicorns stolen from Hagrid's care of magical beasts class.
Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, Katniss sits up and rubs her aching head, while back on the field Hermione is adamantly stating they must find her. However they are all at a loss how until a man wearing a red bucket on his head says "Maybe I can help....Hello, I'm the doctor." Immeadiately they all start to pile into the TARDIS. Ron sticks his ginger head back out the door, then walks around in a circle, muttering something about "..bigger...inside...blimey...BOW TIE." (In the background, the doctor is staring at him with what almost looks like envy and also muttering whilst fiddling with his hair.)
Someone outside says "Run! Cindy's after us!!" and the panic picks up. Everyone's in but the quiet ravenclaw at the back called Eponine, who doesn't quite make it. "Go on without me!" she called, and collapses asleep in a conveniently materialised OT hammock leaving Cindy in control of fate. Cindy (another quiet little Ravenclaw herself) and her beloved Peeta who she's intoxicated with amortentia snog smexily while Lee Jordan beholds the spectacle with envy. But then she she slips amortentia to him, and to George & Fred, and Darcy, Gale and James and Sirius, Percy Weasley, Darren criss and Logan Lerman (much to the horror of a watching Soho). Eventually this turns into an army of supermegafoxyawesomeness commanded by the beautiful power hungry Cindy.
However despite her considerable cunning, her plan begins to unravel because she'd outsourced the potion making. The job had ended up in the hands of a friendly but idiotic wizard called Merlin, who made faulty potions. The effects quickly began to wear off, and the targets stagger or crumple to the ground as they come to their senses. Logan is among them, and Soho runs to catch him. Peeta's never wears off. And transmissions and sloth randomly materalise to help celebrate everyone living happily ever after. Or at least living, anyway. Except for Katniss, because we forgot about her. The end.
Originally published on October 13, 2013.