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20 Signs You Need to Quit Your Part-Time Job ASAP!

20 Signs You Need to Quit Your Part-Time Job ASAP!

By Josh Sorokach

Part-time jobs can provide you with a fantastic opportunity to learn, have fun, make new friends, and fill your pockets with dolla, dolla bills, y'all. They can also be Sucksville, U.S.A. There's a big difference between "Thank God it's Friday" and "I'm going home to spend the next 55 hours hiding under my covers eating soup." So should you hang tough at your current job, or abandon ship? Never fear, because SparkLife is here! If you find yourself saying, "Yes, totally" throughout this post, you may want to dust off the ol' resume and start googling the word "job." Here are 24 signs you need to quit your part-time gig:

1. When your boss asked, "Did you receive my email?" you instinctively responded with, "You belong in life's spam folder."

2. You're so angered at your alarm clock that you sarcastically beep back at it. Eventually you apologize because, hey, you were raised right.

3. Your drama queen coworker just asked you to become Facebook friends.

4. Your coworker, who has the voice of a malfunctioning dump truck, insists on singing—or at least what you think is singing—Miley Cyrus tunes all the live long day.

5. Your boss refers to his 7 employees as his "7 dwarves," and you, unfortunately, have received the nickname Dopey. You feel bad for Grumpy, but murderously jealous of Doc.

6. From the time your 8-hour work day begins, you literally count the seconds until your shift is over. "28,800, 28,799, 28,798..."

7. You've started answering your cell phone like it's your work phone. "Hello, Pete's Pizza, this is Ashley speaking...I mean, ARGH."

8. You dread going to work so much you double-check the calendar to make sure it's not a leap year.

9. You were assigned cash register duty alongside the loud talking coworker with the mysteriously permanent chili breath.

10. The assistant manager sends you a weekly evite to his "Bring Your Own Pasta Back Rub" parties.

11. You've been relocated to the desk next to the office Debbie/Donny Downer. "Why is your screensaver just a list of various kidnapping statistics, Carl?"

12. The "Did you see this video?" guy just switched all his shifts to match yours. Yes, yes I did see that internet video of the kid who likes turtles. No, I do not want to stand in the sporting goods aisle fake laughing and watching it on your phone for the third time.

13. You have to pretend your coworker who sing-talks to herself and has no concept of proper hugging etiquette is normal.

14. The new secretary attempts to convert non-verbs into verbs. Yes, I would like some ice cream, but no, I do not want to "ice cream up" my break, Beverly.

15. Your boss's smell can best be described as cat litter meets overcooked broccoli, with a hint of dilapidated cigar factory.

16. When you step into the office you feel...

17. When you step OUT of the office you feel...

18. The idea of spending another year at your job makes you feel pessimistic in regards to your future.

19. Your coworkers incessantly use outdated pop culture references. Austin Powers' "Yeah, baby," "That's what she said," and "Milk was a bad choice" are quoted somewhere between 10 and one million times a day.

20. Because you're tired of sharing a restroom with 49 other people like an ANIMAL!

Feel free to add your own vocational horror stories in the comments section!

Topics: Life
Tags: jobs, working, part-time jobs, bad signs

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About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.