Halloween. It's a holiday that should, in theory, be so much fun. There's candy! And dressing up! And night-time stuff! Instead, it's been turned into a "sexiest sex bomb looking for sexy sex candy" contest. It's like all the Halloween costume-makers got together and decided that anything and everything could—nay, must—be sexy. Sexy Big Bird, sexy dinosaur, sexy banana ... It's gotten to the point that we're wondering: Are there any costumes they can't make sexy?
We would not be surprised to see:
- Sexy booger
- Sexy sense of impending doom
- (S)existential crisis
- Hot Pocket
- Naughty oatmeal
- Sexy macaroni and cheese
So what's a costume-lover to do? Fortunately, there are many options for non-sexy costumes. You might have to put in a little work yourself (or shell out megabucks for a pre-made one, though where's the fun in that?), but it will be worth it in the end.
Here are some real-deal ideas for non-sexy Halloween costumes:
- Fruit, like from the old Fruit of the Loom commercials
- A real-life, not particularly sexy or unsexy doctor or nurse (try looking extra tired and spending only four minutes at each party)
- Comic Book Girl (proving that non-sexy does not have to equal body-obscuring or non-feminine)
- Brave's Merida (a DIY that, annoyingly, mixes in a little Sexy Merida)
- Historically accurate, non-sexy witch
- Gum-ball machine
- Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba (find a red sweat suit and hat, add an eye, and you're mostly there)
- Rosie the Riveter
- Breaking Bad's Walter White
- Mary Poppins! (which could be made with thrift store items, btw)
- This awesome jet pack costume
- Non-sexy currency
- And, of course, Thor (yes, this DIY is for babies but just convert the directions to big kid sizes)
We hope this inspires you to make or find a great costume that you can be comfortable (and warm!) in. Because being comfortable and relaxed is a lot sexier than any sexy-sex-something costume. Not that we're trying to be sexy anyway.
What are your plans for Halloween? Do you have plans for a sexy or unsexy costume?