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The Absolute Worst Scary Movies

The Absolute Worst Scary Movies

By Anthony DeVito

Every now and again, a horror movie comes along that strikes fear into the hearts and minds of all who watch. But usually they just stink! Here’s a list of the absolute worst scary movies of all time:

The Gingerdead Man is a 2005 chiller (colder than a regular thriller) about a gingerbread cookie that becomes host to the soul of a convicted killer. The cookie then seeks revenge on the girl who sent him to the electric chair. Meanwhile, all the other cookies in the gingerbread batch are upset because soon they will be eaten. But their story is never told.

Sharks in Venice is a 2008 thrill-ride starring Bio-Dome’s Stephen Baldwin. The plot of the movie centers around a ruthless great white shark who is terrorizing the waterways of Venice. Somehow, this isn’t the worst movie ever made starring Stephen Baldwin.

2009's Thankskilling is a straight forward, no-nonsense slasher flick with a bit of a twist. The antagonist isn’t a human being, or a crazed demon, but a Thanksgiving turkey. This is ridiculous in itself, but what’s more ridiculous than a movie about an evil turkey called Thankskilling is that there is a Thankskilling 2 and Thankskilling 3.

In the seventh installment of the Friday the 13th series, we see legendary maniac Jason Vorhees take his machete-wielding talents on the road. He leaves the cozy confines of Camp Crystal Lake and heads to the big city in 1989‘s Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. Now, this film is not to be confused with the 1984 Jim Henson classic The Muppets Take Manhattan. These are two entirely different movies. Kermit gets way less screen-time in Friday the 13th Part VIII.

Ghost Ship is a 2002 horror film that takes place on the Bering Sea. It focuses on a salvage crew that discovers a long-lost passenger ship floating lifelessly in the water. As they tow the ship back to land, strange things begin to happen. One of the strange things that began to happen in 2002 was audiences seeing Ghost Ship in theaters and not demanding their money back.

Night of the Lepus is a little-known 1972 film about a Southwest town terrorized by—not making this up—mutant rabbits! The choice of mutant rabbits as the main antagonists is fundamentally flawed, in that you get to keep your face if you can rustle up a carrot in time.

Leprechaun in the Hood is the fifth film in the Leprechaun franchise. In this version, the titular leprechaun comes to life in gritty Compton, California, after renowned character actor Ice-T is robbed. This film is sometimes categorized as a comedy rather than a horror movie, but I’d categorize Leprechaun in the Hood as a mystery, because it keeps you guessing the whole time, "Did the producers pay real gold to have this movie made?"

The 1977 cult classic, Deathbed: The Bed That Eats, is about a possessed bed that consumes its users alive.  It has also inspired the lesser celebrated, demon-possessed furniture films Deathcouch and Deathloveseat.

Which chiller would you pay to see?!

Topics: Life
Tags: movies, halloween, lists, scary movies

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

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