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8 Steps to the Perfect Humble Brag

8 Steps to the Perfect Humble Brag

By Bailey_Swilley

How do you make people jealous of you so seamlessly? Here’s our guide!

1. Think about yourself. What do you like? Pick one thing that excites you and think, "If I was not me, would I be jealous?" If the answer is " Slightly" or "maybe," then you've got your perfect subject. Let's say, in this example, that the thing is having a lot of scholarships to apply to.

2. Stew with your subject for a few days and plan the perfect time to execute. A group setting like lunch works perfectly.

3. When at lunch, wait for the subject of college and college applications to come up. Or even better, ask if anyone has started thinking about or applying to them yet. Let everyone chatter before introducing your subject, a.k.a. "the brag."

4. Once you have the stage set, get ready to hum-baaaaaahl! Notice if others are talking about scholarships. Also, note which of your friends are the non-worriers about college and which just don't care. You can give them the label "not busy."

5. When humble bragging, always place your "jealousy" on your audience. Here goes:
"You guys, I am SO envious of all your free time. I am just so swamped with applying to all these scholarship apps. Who knew my GPA and SAT scores would allow me eligibility for so many?"

6. Get up from the table and go refresh yourself. Your friends will be dumbfounded as to whether they should feel happy they have so much free time or jealous of all your scholarship opportunities.

7. Prepare to maybe lose some friends. Womp-womp, who needs ‘em?!

8. Pat yourself on the back. You just humble bragged!

What’s the worst humble brag you’ve ever heard?

Topics: Life, The SparkNote to You
Tags: friends, self-esteem, bragging, humble brags, humble bragging

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About the Author
Bailey_Swilley

Bailey Swilley is a writer, web production editor, and musical improviser living in Brooklyn. She's passionate about puppies, pop culture, and pastries.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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