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How To Give Yourself a 2013 Makeover

How To Give Yourself a 2013 Makeover

By Ashley Brooke Roberts

1. Put in Some Serious Mirror Time: Pull a Lena Dunham and spend some quality time loving your own reflection. The hit TV show creator and star told Marie Claire UK earlier this year that as a kid she would stare at herself for an hour or so in the mirror thinking “'I’m just so beautiful.”

2. Stop Talking About Chris Brown: Somehow he’s disappeared from the national convo and we couldn’t be happier. After Brown and Rihanna called it quits his online presence started to fade like a bad memory. We hope this is a sign he’s gone for good.

3. Change Your Name to a Location: Or something that reflects geography in some way. North West is already taken but maybe you could be Upstate Downstate? Or South Dakota?

4. Cut Off All Your Hair: Beyonce got a pixie! Miley Cyrus has a half shaved/half boy cut! And sometimes horns! This is the year of fierce females rocking fiercer short ‘dos.

5. Lose Your Mind and then Get Your Act Together: Just as Amanda Bynes seemed like she couldn’t go further down the rabbit hole, Lindsey Lohan stepped it up and straightened out her life. Go Lo! Fingers crossed for ‘Da Bynes.

6. Claim Deep-Inner Change, But Actually Only Dye Hair Blue: We’re looking at you, new iPhone.

7. Learn What “Take Back the Night Means:” Justin! Timberlake! Baby boy, how on earth did you get this far in life as an adult and never hear of the Take Back The Night Foundation? JT released a track this year titled “Take Back The Night,” a song about dancing and partying, and was shocked to learn the single shared the name with one of the most well-known organizations fighting violence against women. We love you JT but get a clue. Thanks, bye.

8. Do Something Great, Get Recognized For It, Make Everyone Uncomfortable: Anne Hathaway’s speech at the Oscars was so alienating we almost forgot about her breath taking performance in Les Miserables.

9. Be Born the Prince of England: JK Only one person can do that this year and his name is George Alexander Louis.

10. Decide to Have an Event that Everyone Keeps Talking About, Never Have Event: Maybe it’s a birthday party or another celebration of some kind. Start rumors about how it’s going to be the best, it might be in France, it might be on the Moon, etc. Have everyone’s attention. Never actually have event occur. When pressed for further information explain that your party will be happening on the same day as the Jennifer Anniston/Justin Theroux marriage or the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie union.

10. Fascinate/Terrify Everyone Around You: Channel your inner Miley Cyrus.

Topics: Life, The SparkNote to You
Tags: pop culture, lists, makeovers

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About the Author
Ashley Brooke Roberts

Ashley Brooke Roberts is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor living in Brooklyn. She's a performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and can usually be found smiling at random dogs on the street. Follow her on twitter at @AshleyBRoberts.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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