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What Your Favorite Dog Breed Says About You

What Your Favorite Dog Breed Says About You

By Ashley Brooke Roberts

Beagle: Your dream job is to work in fashion, and guess what? You will! You'll kill it as a designer or fabric buyer or personal shopper or whatever for a few years and then eventually grow tired of the whole biz. You'll decide to take a year off to travel and when you move back home everyone will be shocked to learn that you are now a hardcore surfer chick who plans on teaching private lessons and riding the waves for the rest of your life. You enjoy strong back and arm muscles and wavy beach hair more than uncomfortable designer dresses anyway.

German Shepard: You accidentally farted very loudly in a Starbucks recently. You were so engrossed in the book you were reading that you totally forgot you were in public. Leaning over to give your toot some room to go, you let it rip. Only after the shocking sound of someone dropping their coffee mug did you remember you were in public. A flood of panic rushed over you as a bunch of strangers stared at you in shock. You left immediately, swearing never to return. You went back the next day. It's the closest coffee shop to your house!

Dalmatian: You really really really like babies. They're super cute and fun to play with, but recently you started babysitting and you're beginning to believe that this little angel knows he's your boss. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME BABY! You scream, but the baby pays you no mind, coos, and reaches for his bottle, all the while never breaking eye contact.

Cocker Spaniel: Ever since you were a kid you've been outside, alone exploring. It's your thing. You've gotten so good at you believe you have an "inner compass" and can never get lost. You wow friends and colleagues with your uncanny ability to find your way around new cities and unknown forests. One day you write the FBI explaining of your ability and asking if you can be of service. They thank you and explain that they are very happy with their handheld compasses.

Golden Retriever: You're right! You and Taylor Swift would be really good friends. Unfortunately you're also right about the fact that she wouldn't want you to approach her out of the blue and tell her this info. Instead, you must just keep it to yourself and go about your life always knowing that if the stars had been arranged a little differently the two of you would have been best friends.

French Bulldog: You have got to start working on your sleep schedule girl! This is getting out of hand. You can't go to bed at 2 a.m. and wake up at 8 a.m. or vice versa. Get it together! Sleep is the building blocks of your damn day!

Bassett Hound: You've never seen Darth Vader's face or the woman in the bathtub in The Shining. When you were a little kid your mom told you to be careful what images you saw because they would forever be in your brain. You've taken this overboard and avoid looking down at the sidewalk in attempt to never see dog poop again.

Terrier: You're more of a cat person, but you ended up in a family of dog people. You think they're cute and all but just too eager to please. This is also how you feel about your best friend. She's great, she just calls all the time and she constantly wants to hang out. Ugg! You think, why can't I just sit in a window sill all day grooming myself and purring in the sunlight? Because you are not a cat. That is why.

Topics: Life
Tags: personality, dogs, what your ____ says about you

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About the Author
Ashley Brooke Roberts

Ashley Brooke Roberts is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor living in Brooklyn. She's a performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and can usually be found smiling at random dogs on the street. Follow her on twitter at @AshleyBRoberts.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.