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The SparkLife Guide to September TV!

The SparkLife Guide to September TV!

By Josh Sorokach

After an exhausting four-month hiatus, television is BACK! *Attempts to play a celebratory trumpet. Fails.*

This season new couples will be shipped, cliffhangers will be resolved, and we'll have a brand new slate of shows to obsess over as we stare at our mountain of never-ending homework, shrug, and commence to procrastinate like we've never procrastinated before! We've compiled this handy guide to assist you with all of your viewing needs. Ready. Set. Television!

Returning Favorites:

How I Met Your Mother

When: Monday, September 23

Previously on How I Met Your Mother: Last season it finally happened: we met the eponymous Mother. Will we finally see Ted and The Mother meet and fall madly in love? It doesn't look that way. The final season of How I Met Your Mother will take place over the three-day weekend of Barney and Robin's wedding, and most of the season will be spent having Ted's friends meet the Mother before he does.

Questions will finally be answered...hopefully: Obviously we, the viewing public, will become better acquainted with Ted's future wife, but will Ted and the Mother actually interact after their 9 year meet-cute, or will the series stay true to its title and literally end after Ted finally meets The Mother? Even if this last season is supposed to take place over a long weekend, we can still expect a few flash forwards of Ted and the Mother, right? RIGHT?

New Girl

When: Tuesday, September 17

Why we're excited: New Girl is the very best sitcom on television in terms of combining fall off your chair, please stop I can't breathe, seriously I can't breathe, WHERE DID I PUT MY INHALER, side-splitting humor with an emotionally charged romance plot we can all root for. We love New Girl because it's all about friendship. Pure unadulterated friendship.

What to look forward to this season: Jess and Nick traveling to Mexico and (more than likely) self-sabotaging their new relationship, Schmidt's decision between Cece and Elizabeth, and the triumphant return of COACH, who intrepid New Girl fanatics may remember from the pilot episode of the series.

The Mindy Project

When: Tuesday, September 17

The funniest new sitcom of last season is back! Most successful sitcoms tend to take a creative leap from year one to year two, which is why we're expecting The Mindy Project to deliver lots of laughs in its sophomore year. Last season The Mindy Project was a destination for A+ guest stars—Seth Meyers, Seth Rogen, Bill Hader, BJ Novak, Ed Helms, and Mark Duplass all took turns on the perpetual merry-go-round that is Mindy's search for love. Last we saw Mindy, she'd cut her hair and planned to go to Haiti with do-gooder boyfriend Pastor Casey.

What to look forward to: This season's guest stars will include James "The Man of a 1000 Careers" Franco, appearing on the premiere, as well as comedic heavyweights Vanessa Bayer, Adam Polly, Glenn Howerton, and Justified star Timothy Olyphant.

Modern Family

When: Wednesday, September 25

Modern Family returns with a one-hour premiere! According to The Huffington Post, the premiere features Manny and Luke embarking on their first day of high school, Claire rejoining the workforce, and Mitch juggling an important meeting with Lily's first day of preschool.

The Big Bang Theory

When: Thursday, September 26

Good news for fans of Penny and Sheldon! During an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, showrunner Steve Molaro had this to say about their "odd couple" pairing: "You will see that Penny and Sheldon are both missing Leonard and are spending some quality time together and getting closer than ever."

Dream guest? Star Trek's Zachary Quinto has publicly stated that he would love to guest star on the popular program, saying that he would love to play, "Some twisted version of myself—really get into it with Sheldon."

Parks and Recreation

When: Thursday, September 26

Where we left off: The times are a-changing in Pawnee, Indiana. April was accepted to vet school, Ann and Chris are attempting to have a baby together, Leslie faces a group of Pawnee residents who want to recall her from the city council, and hmm... what else? Oh that's right, RON SWANSON is having a baby!

Goodbye Pawnee: Andy's side job in Guardian of the Galaxy has transformed our favorite doughy detective into someone whose new chiseled look may seem out of place living in a city that has been referred to as "First in Friendship, Fourth in Obesity." And in what was LITERALLY the saddest television news of the summer, Rob Lowe and Rashida Jones will be leaving Parks and Rec midseason.

Glee

When: Thursday, September 26

A new beginning: Glee returns on a tragic note after the passing of actor Cory Monteith. A tribute to Monteith is planned for episode three, after which the show plans on going on a brief hiatus.

Season five brings Demi Lovato and...the Beatles?! Lovato's set to join the cast as a potential love interest for Santana, while Adam Lambert will guest star as a possible adversary to Kurt. And episodes one and two will feature music from a little-known band called The Beatles.

6 New TV Shows We're Definitely Going to Watch:

Sleepy Hollow

When: Monday, September 16

Who's in it? Tom Mison, Nicole Beharie, Orlando Jones, John Cho, Katia Winter

What's it about? A modern-day retelling of the Washington Irving classic. Ichabod Crane squares off against the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse while trying to adapt to life in the 21st century.  

The Blacklist

When: Monday, September 23

Who's in it? James Spader and Megan Boone

What's it about? The world's most wanted fugitive (James Spader) mysteriously surrenders and offers to assist the FBI in capturing the most elusive criminals in the world.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

When: Tuesday, September 17

Who's in it? Andy Samberg, Chelsea Peretti, Joe Lo Truglio, Andre Braugher, Terry Crews, Melissa Fumero, Stephanie Beatriz

What's it about? A talented, laid-back NYPD detective must learn to coexist with his new strict, no-nonsense boss.

Marvel's Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

When: Tuesday, September 24

Who's in it? Clark Gregg, Ming-Na Wen, Brett Dalton, Iain De Caestecker, Elizabeth Henstridge, Chloe Bennet

What's it about? In this new program from executive producer Joss Whedon, agent Phil Coulson returns to assemble a select group of agents from the worldwide law-enforcement organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D. Together they attempt to "protect the ordinary from the extraordinary."

The Michael J. Fox Show

When: Thursday, September 26

Who's in it? Michael J. Fox, Betsy Brandt (Breaking Bad's Marie Schrader), Wendell Pierce, Katie Finneran, Ana Nogueira

What's it about? A former New York City news anchor diagnosed with Parkinson's grows restless and decides to return to work.

Mom

When: Monday, September 23

Who's in it? Anna Faris, Allison Janney, Nathan Corddry

What's it about? A newly sober single mom (Anna Faris) becomes reacquainted with her passive-aggressive mother.

Trophy Wife, Lucky 7, We are Men, Dads, Back in the Game, The Goldbergs, The Crazy Ones, and The Millers also debut this month, while SparkLife favorite Rebel Wilson's new show, Super Fun Night, premieres on Wednesday, October 2.

Wow. We have a lot of new television to watch, people. Stay hydrated, make sure your snack drawer is fully stocked, and most importantly, have some fun out there!

Which new show are you most excited about?

Topics: Celebs & Stuff
Tags: tv, entertainment, fall tv, celebs we love

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About the Author
Josh Sorokach

Josh Sorokach is a comedy writer living in New York City. He's a former American Idol winner, three time Olympian, and habitual liar. Follow him on twitter @Joshsorokach.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.