6 Ways to Flirt With Your Locker Buddy
A wise man once said, never poop where you eat. By "wise man," we mean that one creepy uncle you have, who's always trying to steal your nose despite the fact that you outgrew the gag at age three. Get a grip, dude. Still, even crazy-creepers can sometimes speak truths, and this time's no exception. Mixing romance with school can be awesome...or a disaster, if you don't tread carefully. While we wouldn't recommend quietly penning haikus for your lab partner (romance and potential for accidental burns don't mix), or professing your undying love for the dude in your homeroom (who you will have to see everyday, regardless of his response, for the rest. Of. High school), we're willing to give you a pass when it comes to romancing the fetching fella whose locker's right next to your own. Here are 6 tips for gettin' your flirt on!
1. Learn His Schedule
That way, you can make like an FB logistics expert and be sure to be everywhere he is, at every moment possible. It's also good for if your wooing backfires, and you're left reeling from the awkward. You can always work out a detailed time-table ensuring you never have to see his face again. That's what we call "maturity."
2. Only Laugh if He's Funny
As in all things, when it comes to getting your storage-based flirt on, be casual. It's tempting to laugh at even his unfunniest jokes. While we're sure he's got a sparkling wit, responding to "What's up?" with a hearty guffaw is not the way to go.
3. Be Natural
It's tempting once you've isolated the swell dude of your choosing to show up each morning with enough makeup on to rival any Real Housewife, but there's nothing foxier than looking like and acting like yourself. (Consider this point moot if you are in fact, a Real Housewife.) So leave the air-brushing machine at home, guys.
4. Small Talk Is Your Friend
Because you're likely to see each other for only a few brief moments throughout the day, it's the perfect opportunity for easy small talk. Rather than acting like the 800-year-old lady you see on the bus every morning and chatting his ear off about stuff like "the weather," and your "bad knee," and your "grandson the doctor," try asking him about his classes that quarter.
5. Look For Clues!
Check out his locker decor—not in a creepy stalker way, but in an eyeball-having way. Do you notice any pictures of bands you like, or movies you've been dying to check out? A locker is a mini-foray into someone else's brain—play at neurosurgeon, and work with what he's giving you! You'll be buddies in no time, and the best relationships start as friendships, dawg. (...said Randy Jackson, apparently.)
6. Hide a Halibut In His Locker*
It doesn't haven't to be a halibut, any fish will do. In a matter of days, he will be a stinky, social pariah. Now is the hour to swoop in, help him isolate the stank, and take him under your arm for some smooching...once he no longer smells of rotten fish.
So go in peace to get your swerve on! Be you, because you are awesome. Also, if you're thinking of subtly putting up his photo in your locker in some sort of collage display, think twice. And if you're thinking of secretly slipping your own photo into his locker, think THREE times, and then give yourself a time out. There's being interested in someone, and there's sending them the message that they'd better be sure never to lose any strands of hair in your company, for fear of you putting them into a love spell.
*Not really. Just checking to see if you're paying attention. Hello!
What are your best tried and true flirting techniques?