Your locker is important. Besides being a physical manifestation of your personality in the ever-changing high school landscape, it’s also kind of like tea leaves and crystal balls: depending on the way you decorate it, your locker can show your future, or at the very least tell your peers what kind of person you are. As soon as you open that sucker up, your soul is laid bare for the world to see. Follow your design instincts and try to ignore the existential crisis brought on by trying to fit your entire life in less than two cubic feet of space—then take a look at this handy guide to see if your personality matches your locker’s guts:
1. Theater Artiste. A lone playbill from the first run of Les Miserable (or a similarly seminal Broadway show) is pasted in the dead center of your locker door. The message of this decorating scheme is pretty straightforward: decorating is for amateurs, and my art takes place on the stage. Also expect that this locker to contain lots of well-thumbed copies of Shakespeare’s plays.
2. Neat and Tidy. At first glance your locker could pass for a Container Store display. Clean and minimalist to the extreme, every paper, pencil, and piece of academia is accounted for and corralled. Naturally the space is color-coded and has a lemon-fresh scent. Your year will probably involve a lot of schoolwide takeovers. From your über-organized hub you will topple the previous valedictorian, become president of three clubs, and ascend to captain of the varsity tennis team. Heaven forbid anyone get in your way, because you will crush them in your productive frenzy.
3. I Feel Pretty. If the defining feature of your locker is a full-length mirror, then you’re going to end up having great hair days all year round—but only if seen from the front. Everyone who walks or sits behind you will wonder if you glued a beaver pelt to your head in a fit of pique. Your purse contains at least seven kinds of lipgloss, and you've been known to apply liquid eyeliner while riding a bicycle.
4. The Hoarder. For some people, decorating means randomly shoving all their worldly possessions into one space and hoping for the best. If you’re the kind of person who has a locker that’s literally bursting at the low-grade metal seams, then you might want to take out accident insurance. Being the keeper of this dangerously overstuffed storage unit is a sign that you’ll experience adventure all year, if only because you have all the supplies for it.
5. Fangirl. Your locker is plastered with celeb shots and stuffed with so many issues of People and the National Enquirer that people have started calling you Perez Hilton behind your back. However, your TMZ-themed locker says that you have a great sense of humor and tend to be very popular. You’ll be stirring up laughs in every class—and winning an occasional detention, when a teacher decides your sassy jokes undermine a “healthy classroom environment.”
6. Mistaken Identity. If it looks like Jackson Pollock exploded all over the inside of your locker, then you might be a really deep, brooding art kid. More likely your locker came like this, and you’ve wondered since day one why anyone would ever think puce and orange would ever look good together. In which case this little decorating scheme tells people nothing about you, but works as a really great conversation point.
7. Whatever. For some people, the locker is a metaphor for their sense of self. For you, it’s just a locker. A grey and lifeless hunk of metal you could not care less about it (unless, of course, you need to drop off your calculus textbook). You have places to go and better things to do than deal with storage space. Your locker is a convenient dumping ground that you would forget if not for its proximity to the attractive member of the opposite sex two doors down. Undecorated lockers tell people that you tend to leave your stamp elsewhere, and are not particularly territorial.
8. The Martha. Everyone can be damn sure what holiday is up next depending on what festive things you’ve got sticking to your locker. It’s basically a Hallmark greeting card store, minus the cards and harried shoppers. Your locker tells people that you probably watched a little too much Martha Stewart growing up, and that you secretly like mom jeans.
9. The Hungry Negotiator. Besides the usual accoutrements, your locker holds a bulk-size box of Fruit by the Foot. This very obviously says you’re trying to buy your way into friendship, and are usually in the mood for snacks.
10. The Collegian. If your locker is papered with posters and pictures of your favorite college, you're basically telling people to get out of the way. Forget high school: you’re aiming for something huge, and you literally won’t let it out of your sight (or let anyone else forget it).
What's your locker decorating scheme of choice?