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The Worst Ways to Reinvent Yourself for the First Day of School

The Worst Ways to Reinvent Yourself for the First Day of School

By Melissa Albert

It's tempting to want to introduce a Whole New You on the first day of school, considering the fact that the boring old you never managed to talk to your crush, and was best known for getting slapped with detention after one too many Knights Who Say Ni impressions. Time to put those bad memories behind you, with a fresh new school-year start! We're all about pulling up your confidence pants, maybe trying out a new lipstick, but there is such a thing as taking it too far. Here are six reinvention tactics you'd be wise to avoid:

Developing a fake accent. Look down. Do you have insane yoga arms? No? Then you're probably not Madonna, the only person whose fake accent has not made her any less successful. Sadly, fake accents don't make you seem debonair and worldly—just faintly ridiculous and possibly insane. The fake mustache isn't helping things, either.

Pretending you're your own cooler, more interesting twin...from England. Seriously, enough with the accent.

Trying out a, er, bold new fashion statement. "I love Edgar Allen Poe," you reason, "so it follows that I should wear a creepy antique bridal veil to school!" Does it really? "Go big or go home" should not apply to the size of the shoulder pads in your back-to-school blazer, and there's a reason that captain's hats are only worn by captains.

Getting all new friends. Sorry, old friends, you just don't cut it anymore! First of all, this is the ultimate jerk move. Secondly, this isn't a high school movie. You WILL end up crawling back to your old friends, begging their forgiveness.

Pretending you just don't care. "Whatever," you mutter, hunching down in your leather jacket, flicking lit matches at fifth graders. "You don't own me!" you yell at a passing bus. "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME," you complain to a pigeon who keeps giving you the side eye. Feeling misunderstood is one (totally universal) thing, but acting all bored about everything is just...boring.

Hats! That's it. You're going to wear hats! Heck, you probably look GREAT in hats. You're going to be That Girl Who Always Wears the Funny Hats! Everybody will know your name (or at least your nickname. See above), and everybody will think of you when they think of the words, "jaunty fedora."

Have you ever tried to reinvent yourself?

Topics: Life, Back to School
Tags: fashion, back to school, funny things, trends, makeovers, reinvention, trying something new

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.