How to Make Your Boring Summer Sound Glamorous
So maybe your summer didn’t quite go as planned. Not one Hemsworth parachuted into your backyard to profess his undying love and secret admiration for you, your plan to become a superhero never materialized, and your dog still doesn’t speak even one intelligible language. But nobody at school wants to hear about these downers. So let’s take the mundane activities you did experience this summer…and glamorize them!
Trip to the Beach. Don't you mean…you swam with sharks? *wink wink* Technically this is true. You were swimming, they were swimming, both at the same time in the same body of water. This works less well if you live by one of the Great Lakes.
Played Baseball. Did you just throw a ball around with a few friends while some random parents in jogging sweats watched from the bleachers? Or did the Yankees show up to scout your performance? No need to explain that by "Yankees" you mean anyone from the northern United States.
Hula Hooped With Your Friends. Forget roller derby. All you need is a cool hooping name, and suddenly you've been transformed into an oscillating icon of pop culture. Heather Von Hooper? Hulala? Whatever you choose, you're (allegedly) a star!
Ate ice cream. This activity is already as glamorous as can be. Ask anyone who lives in a place where readily available refrigeration is not the norm.
Went to the Movies. Hold up. You went on opening night, so technically you were at a movie premiere—at that specific theatre. It’s best to quickly change the subject before anyone asks any questions.
Went to a Pool Party. It’s all in semantics, my friends. Pool party? We think not. We prefer to call it an aqua bash. What’s the difference, you ask? My, you’re looking lovely today, do you use Aveda?
Went to Florida. Already slightly glamorous, but how can we amp up this common vacation destination a little bit? Again, semantics and diversion. You didn’t go to Florida. You were flown into Florida. This wording implies you are important and talented enough to warrant someone paying for your flight, and presumably your hotel as well. As for the diversion par—hey, what’s that over there?
Played Video Games. Way too easy. You fended off a zombie horde and preserved the dwindling remnants of humanity. Or you sacked Tom Brady. Video games are a never-ending source of glamour, when seen from the right angle.
Watched TV. First of all, this isn't even worth mentioning. We know you watched TV. Everyone watched TV. But did everyone have the entire cast of Breaking Bad in their living room? Okay, now you're getting a bit ridiculous. Don’t be a liar, and stop complimenting our hair.
What did you do this summer? (Feel free to embellish.)