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Horrible Flirting Tips We Learned From Rom Coms

Horrible Flirting Tips We Learned From Rom Coms

By Ashley Brooke Roberts

Has this ever happened to you? You’re crushing hard on some poor guy and decide to pull some moves from your favorite romantic comedies in order to win his heart. While walking past him in the hall, you purposely drop all your books and papers (meet cute!), and when he goes to pick them up, you bump into him (because you’re so darn clumsy!)...and he falls down a flight of stairs, only to break his leg and forever after fiercely limp away every time he sees you at school. Sounds like you’ve got a case of the rom-com flops: flirt moves lifted from your favorite movies that make you look like a crazy person in real life. Here are the top horrible flirting tips we learned from rom-coms:

1. Be clumsy! Fall down or, better yet, fall into the object of your affections. Do something that will result in them having to help you up, so you can A) touch his arm and B) lock eyes on your way up. This will sound the all important love-bell, as both of you shyly smile and look down, stumbling over an introduction.

How it goes IRL: One of you will get hurt. Or even worse, it will be obvious that you bumped into them on purpose, leading to your new reputation as a violent sociopath.

2. Get something stuck in your teeth! Smile and pretend you don’t know it’s there. It’ll be so cute! How could he not fall for such an adorable move? You’re not concerned with how you look, you’re just a down-to-earth, slightly awkward sweetheart!

How it goes IRL: Ew. Gross. Stop it.

3. The most important moments happen in the rain! First kisses, confessions of love, etc. Your best bet is to always be standing in the rain. Or if you notice that it’s raining, run outside! Right now! If no one's there, just start dancing! Your crush will see you and think “Wow, what a free spirit!” And then he’ll run out wearing a sexy white henley, and fireworks will happen. Wet, soggy fireworks, but fireworks nonetheless.

How it goes IRL: You’re gonna get sick. Nothing’s more attractive than a sinus infection, right?

4. Arguing and bickering are crucial! Fighting means you really like each other. You know that guy you always fight with, who just gets under your skin because he’s so cocky? Well, guess what: the two are totally meant to be together.

How it goes IRL: Soooo, it turns out that guy is actually a jerk. All that tempestuous arguing? A sign of the fact that you guys just don't get along.

5. Be white! And straight! If you’re following a rom-com flirting guide, these are mandatory, with all too few exceptions.

How it goes IRL: Crushes come in all sorts of colors, shapes, and preferences.

6. Lie! It’s really important that the whole relationship be based on some sort of lie. Like you’ve taken a bet that you can win them, or you have a terrible secret, or you're not who you say you are: whatever it is, you want to make sure to build your "relationship" on a cracked foundation. That way, when they find out the truth, you can make a super sexy Grand Gesture that will cement the bond you share.

How it goes IRL: You get kicked to the curb when the truth comes out. Being dishonest is, quite possibly, the most unattractive trait in a person.

What horrible flirting tips have you learned from your favorite movies?

Topics: Life
Tags: relationships, movies, flirting, rom coms, bad ideas

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About the Author
Ashley Brooke Roberts

Ashley Brooke Roberts is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor living in Brooklyn. She's a performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and can usually be found smiling at random dogs on the street. Follow her on twitter at @AshleyBRoberts.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.