School's IN. FOR. EVER! Team huddle: It is time for Operation Make-Your-Crush-Fall-For-You. This is a special op, and you'll be needing your flirtation toolkit. What is in the toolkit? Why, tools of varying gauges and grips. Try busting out these super-quick flirting tips in the few minutes between classes!
Call out a nickname as you pass them by.
As you’ll be squeezing these name-drops in during that finite window in which your hall-walking choreography criss-crosses with that of your betrothed, you don’t need any more dialogue up your sleeve than:
“Hey Camembert, be seeing you round.”
Each day, just select a different cheese:
“Hey Blue, smell ya lata.”
“Hey Muenster, is that a moustache you’re growing?”
“Hey Jarlsberg, I got a hole in my heart.”
“Hey, Emmenthal, I’d shepherd your cows any day.”
“Hey Chevre, I’ve got a soft spot for you.”
“Hey Cheddar, I’m feeling crumblyyyy.”
“Hey Feta, Imma getcha.”
“Hey Queso, bingo jingo.”
These don’t have to make sense. Not only will you be building a rapport, you'll be making your crush hungry. (Hopefully, for love.)
Do a little sexy dance
When you’re passing them in the hall, let your toes do the flirting, with a little reverse-L grapevine or an Irish jig to hold their attention. While you're dancing, mention that you'll be hanging out at Laser Zone all weekend.
If it doesn’t feel natural reaching out and play-punching their arm or covering their eyes from behind, you can touch other things: Your books, the lockers, your elastic spring shoelaces, your hair, your chin, your backpack, the floor tiles. The sight of you being intimate with your physics textbook or fanny pack will print you indelibly on their MIND TEXTBOOK.
Let your body language shout the subtext
Having a serious conversation about when tryouts take place? Get that Special Someone thinking about a different kind of tryouts by using your body language, like so:
“Oh, the tryouts (trace an arc with your foot on the ground). I think next Tuesday (shrug and giggle softly)? They’re being run by Mr. Docking (swing your arms from side to side like pendulums). Are you going to go (make seesaw motions with your head)? We could practice together, if you want (do a burpee).”
Make eye contact
Make sure that when they look your way, they catch your eye: across the cafeteria, in the classroom, on the other side of a rushing river. When you’ve got them looking at your moonbeams, whisper, “Your eyes look like shiny marbles,” then blink, really slowly.
Ask them stuff
It takes time to build up a friendship with someone, but you can do so by creating shared memories. If you find out they have a family wedding on the weekend, ask them how it went the following week. Ask them about their interests (felting!). Ask them all caj if they have tips about something you're interested in ("Got any tips on nailing your neutral mask for this unit on Bertolt Brecht?"). If you have literally nothing to talk to them about, just ask them random stuff: "Do you think the president ever loses popcorn down his top when he's watching movies?" "Where are all the harem pants now that nobody's wearing them?"
Recite Pi to 10 decimal places
Start planning the wedding.
What are your quick flirting tricks?