Jen! Hey guuuurl, happy birthday! Oh man, we love being imaginary best friends with you. There is never a dull moment. What do you say to just, like, grabbing a pizza and a bag of cherries and hitting the beach for a night bonfire? Or whatever, it's your birthday, what do you feel like doing? We understand if you want to just spend it with your BF and your fam, no hard feelings, we'll just catch up next time we see you in the TSA line at the airport.
You guys. J. Law is the best thing to happen to Hollywood since—we can't even think of an example, she's just the best. Can we talk about weird awesome things that make her the best? Yes, let's! (THIS MIGHT COME OFF AS CREEPY NOT SORRY DON'T CARE.)
An Ode to Jennifer Lawrence:
J Dog. We love how you have a boss raspy voice and that you use it to say things on the Oscar red carpet like: "I'm STARVING. I just ordered a Happy Meal from that McDonald's over there." We're also huge fans of the fact that you tripped up the Oscar stairs just like we would if we were in that ridic dress, and how afterwards you propositioned Jack Nicholson like it was no thing but a chicken wing.
Can you take us horseback riding because we hear you are an expert horseriding woman, and it could be a really nice bonding time for us? Also, if we got lost you could shoot and kill a squirrel because of your training on The Hunger Games, and then you could gut it and skin it like you learned to do while filming Winter's Bone, and we would survive because of you.
Your assistant is your best friend of four years, and that is just amazing and wonderful, but we really think we could also do a good job of that if she ever goes on a vacation.
You have self proclaimed yourself "The Fastest Pee-er Ever," which makes us want to build monuments in your honor, since we spend years of our lives in girls' bathroom lines because of slow pee-ers. Lesser humans.
Abercrombie & Fitch didn't use the photos they took of you, because you got too competitive playing football with the other models and you look sort of crazed. Basically, you're great.
Jodie Foster is your champion and says you have "A God-given genetic ability to be well adjusted," so we don't ever have to worry about you becoming a jerk. Super neat.
But mostly, Law Law, we love you because you don't play the game of Hollywood, and yet you're beating everyone at it. You are genuine and funny and talented, and we know you will continue to soar even higher. Give us a call when you have a break from filming amazing movies, which will probably be never because you are one hard working lady-face.
LOVE YOU—MEAN IT.
Why do you love JLaw, hands down greatest of all the Laws?