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11 Ways to Get Kicked Out of the Library

11 Ways to Get Kicked Out of the Library

By Sara Jonsson

Getting thrown out of a place is pretty rock and roll. Especially if it's a Walmart or something, (because lord knows what you have to do to get kicked out of a Walmart), or like the local swimming pool for doing flips off the diving board that are just too rad, and you're making everyone else feel inferior. But getting kicked out of a library is not as hardcore, it basically means you were loud. Not even Wolverine loud, just like your voice was a little over a level 2 whisper. So here are some silent or creative ways to get kicked out of a library, and yes, some of them involve being loud, but in a really literary way.

1. Be ridiculously good looking: Like this guy. You'll set the library staff into a frenzy. (Also, what do we really think of this guy Omar? Smoking, or like, not that smoking?)

2. Sob: Loudly, while reading that last part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows with the Resurrection Stone for the nineteenth time.

3. Smell: This is three fold. You can either walk up to people who are reading and smell them in a really intimate way behind their ear like they smell good, or you can walk by them and pretend they farted and it smells bad, OR, you yourself can just smell so bad that you get kicked out. Rotten eggs and socks and whatnot.

4. Have a Rolly Race: Ummm pretty self-explanatory. Take some rolly chairs or rolly book carts and have an epic race starting in the dinosaur section, ending in the bean bag reading area for a nice soft landing.

5. Read Aloud: But not just any book. Pick something like a Jane Austen book so you and your friend can play Emma Woodhouse and Mr. Kightley and you can loudly practice your pompous British accents. Also useful for perfecting the upper class "gasp."

6. Swapsies: Take all the science fiction and move it to the non fiction section and vice versa. Now The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy is TRUE.

7. "WHAT ARE YOU READING?": Ask absolutely everyone.

8. Study Too Much: Be obsessive about your term paper and refuse to leave, like this nut.

9. MOing: Make out. Right on the check out desk.

10. Snuggle: With your dog or cat. Or both. Read them The Incredible Journey by Sheila Burnford. Aloud of course. Cuuuuute!

11. Order: Take out! Maybe order it for everyone! Chinese for this table of people, and pizza for the kids section, and vegan for that other table of people!

Topics: Books
Tags: books, lists, libraries

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About the Author
Sara Jonsson

Sara Jonsson is a Brooklyn-based writer, storyteller, and comic-book-movie lover. She can sometimes be found hosting variety shows, or writing web series about girls waiting in bathroom lines. She is from Montana and and dreams of one day interior designing ranch houses for a living.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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