The 10 Most Embarrassing Things Parents Do
Parents love us so much that they are constantly embarrassing the heck out of us. It’s sweet, really, but it can be hard to put up with. Ranked from least to most horrible, here are the 10 most common ways your embarrassing parents are keeping you from being elected the coolest kid of all everything, everywhere:
10. They Wear Something Just So Generally Awful It Makes You Embarrassed For Them. There will be a time when you’re out with your parents, and they're wearing workout suits, hideous hats, those shoes that have the individual toes on them, biker shorts, AND inappropriately fitted overalls. Their embarrassment levels have likely become desensitized over the years, but yours, on the other hand, are heightened at this point in your life. So in this case, it’s okay to say something. “Dad, please do not wear those bell bottoms.” “Mom, allow me to cut out those shoulder pads for you.”
9. They Call You A Pet Name In Front Of Everyone. If this is to happen, our best advice is to quickly change the conversation to something else–isn’t there something something turmoil in the Middle East to discuss? Did a politician do something wildly inappropriate on Twitter? Because if everyone knows you're bothered by your pet name, that name is no longer your pet name. It’s your permanent name. IT WILL BE ON YOUR GRAVE.
8. They Wipe Food Off Your Face. This is embarrassing for sure. It suggests to outsiders that you are incapable of caring for yourself, and leaves others to wonder what other acts of personal hygiene your parents perform for you. Parents, as a general rule, seem numb to the grossness of bodily functions and the discretion of their offspring, but it does not work the other way around. Parent spit is gross.
7. They Make Friends For You. Parents setting up playdates is a habit that begins when we're babies, and unfortunately never dies. When you’re young, they will try to increase your circle of friends with anyone and everyone–you'll find yourself putt-putting or eating ice cream with even the least likely buddy candidates, totally against your will. When you get older, they'll stop trying to make friends for you and start trying to make boyfriends and girlfriends for you. We know what you're wondering, and yes, it’s worse.
6. They Go Nuts On Facebook. Almost anything parents do on Facebook is embarrassing. To prevent any major problems, we recommend you set up some sort of contract with them, making them agree to conditions like: not tagging pictures of you in the bathtub when you were two, not asking all of your Facebook friends to be their Facebook friends, and only spending fifteen minutes maximum looking at your profile page a day.
5. They Bring Out Too Many Snacks. Sometimes when you’re hanging out with your friends, your mom will pop in with some snacks, and that’s all nice and everything. But surely you’ve noticed how easily she gets carried away. It’d be fine if she said, “Does anyone want some cookies? I just took them out of the oven.” But instead, sometimes we get, “Would anyone like a sandwich? I can make you any kind of sandwich you want. We have 8 types of breads and 3 kinds of meats. Do you like ketchup or mustard or both? Would you rather have lasagna? I can make you lasagna instead. You’re not hungry? You really should eat something. I’ll just make you some lasagna."
4. They Blast Embarrassing Music In The Car. They pick you up from a friend’s house, and they’re blasting… Hanson. “Hanson’s cool now!” they say. “They’re back together!” (So they heard on The Today Show.) Similarly, they could be blasting something actually cool, but it’s obvious they are blasting it in order to appear cool. “JUST RAPPIN’ TO MY KENDLICK JAMAR JAMS, HONEY. I CAN’T REALLY HEAR YOU.” (She meant Kendrick Lamar.)
3. They Forget How Old You Are. You’ll always be your mom’s little baby, so she might forget that you haven't been a baby for at least several years. This problem comes to light in times when she plans a “Dora The Explorer” surprise birthday party for you, buys you a bunch of clothes from The Limited Too, or suggests you just run around outside without a shirt on. Try to be understanding. It’s hard for parents to watch you grow up.
2. They Try To Hold Your Hand. Your parents will probably want to hold your hand for the rest of your life, and chances are, there was a point in your childhood in which you didn’t mind. In fact, you probably liked it at one point, because obviously, when you're just a dumb little kid, you’re not allowed to go across the street without holding an adult’s hand. That’s the rule. But there always comes the day, unbeknownst to your parents, that you are suddenly not cool with hand-holding anymore. It’s an awkward transition for everyone involved, including onlookers. That moment when they reach, but you deny, they go in for the kill with more aggression, you attempt a half-hearted hand hold before slithering away…. Oh, God. Just have an honest conversation with them. “Mom and Dad, I’ve aged out of the hand-holding stage in my life. Maybe we can return to it when I’m 40.”
1. They Go Inside The Dressing Room With You. Parents will never care about seeing you in your underwear, and there is a chance you don’t mind if they see you in your underwear. But that doesn’t mean you want an entire store to see you in your underwear, which is what happens when you’re trying on jeans and your mom swishes open the dressing room curtain, exposing your buns to the entire establishment. When you shoo her away, she never understands. And she never will. Get used to this one. It’s embarrassing, and it’s never ending.
How do your parents embarrass you?