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Signs You're a Bad Dancer

Signs You're a Bad Dancer

By Ashley Brooke Roberts

One of the sad truths about life is that there are some things we absolutely love to do, but are simply bad at no matter how hard we try. Remember the girl in chorus who sings at the top of her lungs with a giant smile while the people around her wince? That’s what we’re talking about. (That was also us.) We don’t want you to be as clueless when it comes to your dance skills, so we thought we’d whip up the top seven signs that you’re a bad dancer. Maybe you think you’re a young Britney Spears in the dance-moves department, and can’t figure out why people flee the dance floor when you’re shaking your tush, our list should help clear things up!

1. You physically hurt someone while dancing. Everything was going great, you were doing your fave move where you throw your arms around and kick your feet at the same time and you accidentally punched a guy from the wrestling team in the face. If you’re hurting people while busting a move, you might be a bad dancer.

2. You just don’t get this whole “rhythm” thing. Did you ever hear that song “The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You” by the Gloria Estefan and think, what in the world is she talking about? Feel the rhythm? In fact, what is rhythm anyway? If you move your hips while watching other people dance in a desperate attempt to mimic their timing, because what is moving those hips anyway??? then you might be a bad dancer.

3. People have asked you to stop dancing. If someone came up and was all like, “Hey, can you stop doing that thing where it looks like your body is crying?” and you said, “You mean dancing?” and they said “whatever it is, please stop, there are children here,” then you might be a bad dancer.

4. Lessons don’t help. If you took tap, jazz, ballet, and two weeks of hip-hop dancing and at the end of the year your teacher was all, “How do you feel about softball?” you might be a bad dancer.

5. Your date to the dance transferred schools. You saw him at a house party a few weeks before the big date. You locked eyes with him across the living room while busting some seemingly-legit moves on the carpeted dance floor and thought, “Is he ok? why does he look like he just saw a ghost?” If you found out the next Monday that he transferred schools and you now need a new date to Prom, you might be a bad dancer.

6. People mistake your sweet moves as a sign of illness. If you are dancing at a party and all of a sudden hear “CLEAR THE WAY SHE’S GOING TO BE SICK!” look up and see someone running toward you with a trash can, you might be a bad dancer.

7. People literally think you’re trying to be funny. If you auditioned to be a dancer on your school’s spirit squad and they were all like “Hahahahahahahaha oh my goodness! Thank you for showing us that, it’s been a long day,” you might be a bad dancer.

So, are you a bad dancer?

Topics: Life
Tags: awkward situations, dancing, lists

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About the Author
Ashley Brooke Roberts

Ashley Brooke Roberts is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor living in Brooklyn. She's a performer at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and can usually be found smiling at random dogs on the street. Follow her on twitter at @AshleyBRoberts.

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