Search Menu

Auntie SparkNotes: I'm Self-Conscious About My Lady Moustache

Auntie SparkNotes: I'm Self-Conscious About My Lady Moustache

Dear Auntie,
Do looks matter? I'm always a bit self conscious of my body because I have very distinct features that society deems unattractive. The feature I am most uncomfortable with is my lady stache; my culture and family are against waxing of any sort. Are lady staches normal? Will guys ever be attracted to a girl with a mustache? Or is it a huge turnoff? Or am I just making a big deal out of my facial hair?

This is a tricky question, Sparkler, so let's start with the part where you're perfectly normal and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Human beings have hair, in varying degrees of thickness, on just about every part of their bodies—and yes, that includes the face. Dark, coarse facial hair is less common on women than it is on men, but it's not wrong or unnatural, and there lots of ladies out there with visible hair on their upper lips.

HOWEVER. It's also true that most women who have noticeable mustaches don't just let them hang in the breeze. So while having a lady stache is normal, not doing anything about it... well, isn't, at least statistically speaking. It's not that a woman with facial hair can't be beautiful and desirable—Frida Kahlo, for instance, was, objectively, a total babe—but amongst your fellow ladies, having a visible mustache is going to make you somewhat unusual.

And as to whether looks matter, I think we all know that the answer is: of course they matter. They're not the only thing that matters, and they doesn't matter in the same way to everyone, but wanting to be physically attracted to the people you date is pretty much par for the course. But here's the thing: attraction isn't a universal standard. We all have characteristics, immutable or not, that make us physically repulsive to at least one other person; I mean, even Angelina Jolie is gross to somebody. And we all decide, according to our individual comfort levels and beliefs, how—and how much—to model ourselves after the majority definition of beauty.

For some people, the desire to conform begins and ends with bathing. For some, it means regular haircuts and making at least a modicum of effort to wear pants that don't show your butt cleavage. For some, it means monthly trips to the salon, bi-weekly manicures, and injecting neurotoxins into your face until your forehead is as smooth and immobile as a marble slab. And for some, like this Sikh woman with an extravagant all-natural ladybeard, it means doing nothing at all.

It goes without saying that people who have the time, inclination, and resources to play the prettifying game are more likely to meet societal beauty standards. And those standards being what they are, it's true that more guys will probably find you attractive if you don't have a mustache. But that doesn't mean every guy will feel that way, and it doesn't mean you have to get rid of the stache or be forever alone. It doesn't mean anything, really, except that you have a choice about how you want your face to look and why.

And if you decide that your lady stache bothers you and you want to bleach, thread, or wax it, that is perfectly okay. If you decide to embrace the stache, and let it grow to extravagant, artful lengths until you look like a female Sam Elliott, that is perfectly okay, too. (Also, please send pictures!) And if you decide one thing, only to find that you'd rather decide the other? Then go ahead and change your mind. Such is the awesome power of the lady stache.

Do you have facial hair? Do you WANT to have facial hair? Tell us all your bearded secrets! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at
Want more info about how this column works? Check out the Auntie SparkNotes FAQ.

Topics: Advice
Tags: auntie sparknotes, body image, advice, body hair, waxing

Write your own comment!

About the Author

Kat Rosenfield is a writer, illustrator, advice columnist, YA author, and enthusiastic licker of that plastic liner that comes inside a box of Cheez-Its. She loves zombies and cats. She hates zombie cats. Follow her on Twitter or Tumblr @katrosenfield.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email