Skip over navigation

What Your Tattoo Says About You...Now And Forever

What Your Tattoo Says About You...Now And Forever

By Bo Larkin

Many of us have thought about getting a tattoo, and some of us actually go through with it. Tattoos are a beautiful way of expressing who you are and what you believe in...at one very specific moment in your life. Most laws require you to be 18 before you can become a living work of art, and for very good reason! For example, while you love pizza (and if you don't, pizza-hating commentors, YOU have the issues, not us), it takes the average human brain eighteen years to realize that a slice of pepperoni inked onto the forehead is almost universally perceived as a bad decision. And you and your tattoo are together for good. For life. Until death do you part. So to make sure you're well and truly ready to make the plunge, here's a list of commonly seen tattoos, and the messages they send. Not just today, but for always:

Dragon On Bicep

This classic tattoo carries a lot of expectations. Traditionally a mark of motorcycle gang affiliation, the Bicep Dragon can now be spotted on even the most docile of tattoo enthusiasts. Today, this tattoo says, "I like dragons!" No harm in that. In the not-so-distant future, unfortunately, we can see you trying to explain to Scar and Knifey, the two bikers you met on your road trip to Arizona, that, "I swear, I just love dragons! They breathe cool fire!"We suggest devoting a considerable amount of time to muscle-building exercise—and carrying an emergency cardigan.

Flower Girl

Today, the tiny sunflower sitting on your left hip is an excellent addition to your color-coordinated bikini ensemble. You'll never forget the magical summer of 2013! 20 years from now, however, your kids will just love the “giant sun on Mommy’s belly.”

Spongebob Squarepants

Everybody knows and adores Spongebob! And you just so happen to be his official biggest fan on the planet. But as the tattoo artist is filling in the vibrant yellow ink, you look down at your transforming arm and fall under the wizard spell of foresight. You suddenly have the ability to see through the eyes of a 40-year-old you, looking down at a faded, buck-toothed, bug-eyed sea sponge. Everyone has begun to notice that you wear long-sleeved shirts all summer long.

The Mike Tyson

There are two questions to ask yourself when getting a face tattoo: 1. Have I ever been a heavyweight boxing champ?, and 2. Have I ever been to prison? If the answer is no and no, you may not meet the recommended requirements for the Mike Tyson. What it says now: I'm so crazy that I got a tattoo on my face! What it says later: I made a horrible decision when I was 18. Pity me, but don’t be afraid! I swear I’ve never been to prison!

Chinese Characters

When considering the ancient wisdom being permanently branded onto your shoulder blade, first write out its English equivalent in your best cursive. “Water is wet, fire burns, but the earth is made of dirt.” Does this still sound as wise as you thought it did? Today, your tattoo says, "I'm mystical, and I embrace foreign cultures!" But tomorrow? Twenty years from now you may actually live in China, where your tattoo will inspire your unshakable nickname: “Captain Obvious.”

Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo? Do you already have one?

Topics: Life
Tags: tattoos, funny things, decisions, art, bad ideas

Write your own comment!

OR

About the Author
Bo Larkin

Based out of Chicago, Bo Larkin, aka Bryan Albert, makes a living as a writer and musician. Bryan comprises half of the cabaret/art song duo "Lovers' Quarrel" and is a guitar teacher and ensemble coach at Sherwood at Columbia College and Southport Performing Arts Conservatory. Check him out at Chicagoguitarist.com and @bogitano

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.