Some of the most popular movies of the year come out during summer. Probably because a lot of them are blockbusters or rom coms that require little or no brain power. This is perfect when outside is 4,000 degrees Celsius and you can hardly form the sentence, "Lets go see the movie with the robots, and maybe there's AC and popcernnn—" and then you fall head first into a kiddie pool. It's the same reason we read guilty pleasure books on the beach. Even if you don't live in a place that's the temperature of the sun, humans are lazy in the summer. Maybe we're done learning for a little bit. GOD. It's just, can we get some original summer movies up in here? The cliches are killing us. Here are some summer movie clichés we never want to see again:
The Token Fat Kid: As mushy as our brains can be in the summer, we're pretty sick of how the heavy kid is used as comic relief. Even going back to watch Chunk do the truffle shuffle in the Goonies, or watching Thud Butt (really) teach Robin Williams how to eat imaginary food in Hook, is giving us the "ermmm that seems like lazy, mean humor"s.
"We've Got Company": WHY WHY why is this the only thing anyone ever says when they notice the bad guys in their rear view mirror? There are like 700 other ways to say, "I think we're being followed." There's one. Or if you're hiding you could even say, "They've found where we're hiding." The possibilities are ENDLESS. The English language is perfect for this kind of thing. "We've got company" should only be said by a mom scolding her son for being rude at a dinner party. In the 50s.
3D: Yes, ok its amazing, blerg blah bleh, it's coming right at you how do they do it, so cool oh no I'm going to vom into my purse. Basically what we're getting at is: everything in moderation. There are movies that benefit greatly from 3D but we're almost sure "Yogi Bear" doesn't need the red and blue treatment. Plus, the glasses make the screen dimmer and our eyes cross.
Quick Question: Why, when bad guys are shot, do they die instantly, but when good guys are shot, they always hang around for a bit? They're always able to get a last sentence or wish, or sometimes come out of nowhere are blast a bad guy away with a gun we didn't know he had all the time. Doesn't seem fair.
Manic Pixie Dream Girl: The quirky crazy girl who opens up the boy's mind to all sorts of new things and gives him a bunch of adventures but doesn't seem to really have a goal for herself in life other than to be somebody's artsy eye-opener. Use your love of life to become a doctor or a hedge fund manager or a blogger, Manic Pixie Dream Girl! Find yourself!
Manic Patriotism: Pretty sure the rest of the world would have to deal with an alien invasion, too. America will obviously be the country to get the job done, but don't forget that sometimes we can work together with Canada and no one will think we're any less free or awesome.
The Nerdy Scientist Who Gets Revenge: A true villain shouldn't exist with out sufficient motive to be villainous, and revenge is a most powerful motive, but some people are just straight up crazy. We're not sure being stood up for a science meeting on a roof is grounds for world domination. Neither is being jilted. We might believe it if someone had eaten his last cold slice of pizza. Never forgive.