Five Reasons NOT to Act Your Age this Summer
In the wintertime, it's easy to act your age. Something about extreme cold sapping your will to live makes it second nature to wear responsible sweaters, carry a jacket, and stop it with all the yelling already when a teen-fearing elderly person is in the area. In summer, however, all bets are off. There's just something about hot weather and sparklers that makes you want to forget you ever stopped wearing rompers and started wearing creepy adult rompers (not recommended). So why not give into your better judgment, and grab summer by the Pop-ices? Here are our top five arguments against acting all grownup between now and August 31:
1. Kiddie pools. More like anyone-who's-not-a-FOOL pool! Ahem. Denying yourself access to the kiddie pool just because the "calendar" says you're a "teenager" is straight self-punishment. So fill 'er up, check 'er for snakes (some of us have older brothers/live in the south), and prepare for the joy of aquatic air-conditioning. Bonus points if you can create a low-fi version of this with stuff you find around the house. Floating snacks for everyone! Or maybe just you. If necessary, keep a hose nearby to scare off any siblings who try to share the cool, watery wealth.
2. Ice cream man. Have you ever heard the ice cream man song and not felt the impulse to jump around yelling "MOM WHERE'S A DOLLAR I NEED A DOLLAR"? So why not give in! Let's review: we're talking about a portable ice cream shop, that shows up right in front of your house, and gives you ice cream at a very low rate. Stop pretending that your cell phone's not starting to look like a Choco Taco right now. Stupid, delicious chocolate phone taco!
3. "Suitable attire"=all the butt sweat. Hey, remember how when you were little, if you ever forgot your bathing suit, your mom would just fashion you one out of a giant T-shirt? Or was that just our mom? Our point is this: when you're a kid, you dress for comfort and function. But as the years pass, you start thinking less about "Can I play light sabers and climb on monkey bars in this?" and more about "Can I get my crush to think I'm cute in this?" Nine months out of the year, that's completely understandable. But in the dog days of June through August, it's time to embrace creative dressing. Maybe you can't go to work in bikini bottoms and an improvised towel cape, but you sure as heck can go to most everything else dressed as a swimming-pool superhero.
4. Fireflies! And other cool bugs. I'm sorry, are you too old and mature to appreciate an insect that harnesses the godlike power of LIGHTNING? Or perhaps you're too busy catching up on Downton Abbey to look for caterpillars, who are just about to blossom into WINGED MIRACLES!? The three-year-old you babysit for doesn't need you to tell her that bugs are awesome: it's just a fact. Listen to the three-year-olds, man.
5. The complete breakdown in food groups. Allow us to present the food pyramid of summer: at the bottom, a nice, wide base of watermelon, fresh out of the fridge. Just above that, anything that can be eaten with minimal movement/zero use of a stove, e.g., pretzel twists, burritos made by someone else. Above that, frozen dessert items. And at the very top, the actual food you eat when your parents are looking. As long as you're not giving yourself scurvy or literally living on Slurpees, balanced eating can go out the window—at least until your third-degree seatbelt-metal burns go down.
What's your favorite part about acting like a kid in the summertime?