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43 Bad Things to do with Your Hands During a Makeout

43 Bad Things to do with Your Hands During a Makeout

By Anthony DeVito

Kissing is fun, but it’s not easy figuring out what to do with your hands during a makeout. Here are 43 things NOT to do with 'em!

1. Try and fit your fingers in the other persons mouth.

2. Take out your phone and start text messaging your ex.

3. Start doing shadow puppets where a dog is fighting a duck. But, perform the shadow puppets in a very real way. To the point where the dog defeats the duck and then feels tremendous guilt for his actions.

4. Trace a heart on her forehead.

5. Flick his ears.

6. Make your left hand into a telephone and place it near her ear. Stop making out and explain there is a call she needs to take. When she answers into your hand, say “This is your mother, you should have been home hours ago. I’m divorcing your father and leaving the country. Goodbye.”

7. High five yourself.

8. 
Crack your knuckles.

9. Ball your fist, then stick out your pinky finger and thumb. This the Hawaiian symbol for “hanging loose.” Next, stop making out and tell him, “Surfs up!” Now run away and never look back.

10. Any form of jazz hands.

11. Start furiously scratching her head and when she asks what you’re doing, say “Checking you for ticks.”

12. Declare a thumb war.

13. Take your two hands and squash your palms together so it makes a fart noise.

14. Turn one of your hands into a snake and make hissing noises into his mouth.

15. Extend your pointer finger and index finger. Wrap those two fingers around her nose and take it. You now have her nose. Demand a hefty ransom.

16. Start playing Rock, Paper, Scissors with yourself.

17. Dip your finger in water and give him a wet willy.

18. Check yourself for lumps.

19. Start picking your nose. Stop making out and yell, "You don't have to be a pirate to find some buried treasure!" Then, eat a booger.

20. Take out your phone and look up this article. Read each idea aloud. Into his mouth.

21. Take out a deck of cards and do a magic trick.

22. Snap your fingers. Then, stop making out and sing any song from the musical West Side Story.

23. Cover your eyes and with your to two hands and explain, "This is the scary part!"

24. Check her pulse.

25. Put on deodorant.

26. Tickle him.

27. Take your two hands, and, in unison, point up to the sky. Dedicate this makeout to all our "soldiers fighting overseas."

28. Fist bump yourself.

29. Beat on your chest like an ape.

30. Open your eyes and give the person closest to you a thumbs up. Then do a terrible Borat impression and say “Nice!”

31. Slow clap.

32. Take your hand and place it on his forehead. Then check his temperature and tell him he has a fever. Unfortunately, the only cure is “second base.”

33. Air guitar.

34. Use your hands to take off your shoes. Then, keep your shoes on your hands and mime being a window washer.

35. Place both of your thumbs inside each of your ears with the rest of your four fingers extended in a fan like motion. Now, start acting like a moose.

36. Place your fist under your chin like Rodin's famous sculpture, "The Thinker."

37. Open your eyes and wave to someone. Never breaking eye contact.

38. Start doing popular 90’s dance craze, “The Macarena.”

39. Clasp both your hands together and start praying.

40. Stick your pointer finger into your belly button. Then laugh like the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

41. Tie your shoes. Or, if they’re velcro shoes, re velcro them.

42. Juggle.

43. Solve a Rubik’s cube.

What do you do with your hands during a makeout?

Topics: Life
Tags: kissing, horrible things, awkward situations, lists, making out, makeouts

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About the Author
Anthony DeVito

Anthony DeVito is a NYC based comic. Originally from New Jersey, he was featured as one of the "New Faces" at the 2012 Montreal Just for Laughs Festival, recently taped a Gotham Comedy Live on AXS TV, performed at the 2013 Bridgetown Comedy Festival and 2013 SF Sketchfest, and is also the former host of "Say What?!" on the NOC TV. You can follow him on Twitter @anthonydevito_

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.