Superheroes, Ranked by Hotness
Let’s face it, when we talk about male superheroes, we’re all, “his power this...his ability that.” Yet when we talk about female superheroes we’re usually ranking their hotness. So, the ladies over here decided to take a few moments off from needing to be rescued and spend some time ranking the hotness of the hunkiest superheroes. Head’s up! For all you purist out there, we will be mixing the universes! The DC and Marvel worlds are going to be perfectly blended at this meat market in order to deliver the purest cut of USDA handsome superhero. In very particular order:
6. Captain America: He’s a beefcake that fought the Nazis. He sometimes rides a motorcycle. Before all this, he was a frail young man, so you know he’d appreciate you.
5. Spider-Man: What a cutie! He’s a little too innocent for us, but there is something very attractive about Peter Parker’s brooding teenage feelings of inadequacy. Also, everything seems dangerous, gritty, and very New York City in Spider-Man. Maybe because he’s on his own and he’s in high school? Like we’re watching him figure it out? He’s devoted to his Aunt and Uncle, has a boy-next door vibe, but also has a fearless side. Sign us UP.
4. Iron Man: Billionaire playboy who’s also a member of the illuminati? We’re not exactly sure why, but this is H-O-T. Also, he embodies the idealized American inventor, an individual who can solve a massive problem with his brilliance. And finally, his chest-wound, the fact that his heart is LITERALLY so vulnerable it needs to be protected with iron armor? Endearing to the max.
3. Superman: Fine. Here he is on the list. You probably wanted him to be #2, but we just couldn’t do it. Farm boy: hot, Superman: hot, Clark Kent: mild. We’re going to take flack for this, we get it, everyone loves Superman, but don’t you think he's just a little too vanilla ice cream?
2. Johnny Storm (Human Torch): He’s a babe. And he’s a young babe. AND there’s something about the way he acts without thinking—his brash nature—that’s a turn on. Plus, fire is sexy, and he is literally fire. Grill us up some of that, or something.
1. Batman: No brainer. It doesn’t get sexier than Bruce Wayne. He’s dark, he’s troubled, he’s still just a man. Bruce Wayne is the right combo of everything we want in a superhero/boyfriend: charmer, philanthropist, billionaire, life saver. Above all else: he posses a genius-level intellect. HOT.
Do you agree with our list???