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50 Things to Say to Get Out of Your Summer Romance

50 Things to Say to Get Out of Your Summer Romance

By Lauren Ashley Bishop

What a June, gurl! You've had the time of your life. You met a boy with looks worthy of One Direction membership and frolicked at the pool hand-in-hand eating ice cream all month long. One problem though: winter is coming (eventually). You're going to go to college one day, and you are NOT about to let a boy distract you from Algebra. Eh...ok also, as cute as he is, he's getting a little....well, boring. Sorry, Harry Styles lookalike, but you've got to go. But how? Breaking up with a summer romance is not an easy thing—which is why you've to get him to break up with you. By saying the CRAZIEST THINGS you can possibly think of! Here are 50 options for driving away your now-unwanted summer love:

1.Fart loudly in front of him, close your eyes and say, “The sound of autumn approaching.”

2. “I’m shaving my hair off to celebrate the trees losing all their leaves soon!

3. “I have something to confess: I’m Santa! Have you been a good boy this year?”

4. Start decorating for Halloween in August: “The Spirits of the Dead will be so pleased!”

5. Start decorating for Christmas in August: “I just need some help getting my 12-foot tree up to my third-floor bedroom. You’ll be around, right?”

6. Start decorating for Easter in August. You won’t need to say anything.

7. “My visa will be up soon. You’ll come back with me to North Korea, right?”

8. “SO excited for my dad to meet you! He gets out of prison for terrorizing my last boyfriend in, like, two weeks.”

9. “(crying) Oh NO, I have the hiccups! (hiccup) The last time this happened (hiccup) it lasted for seven months! (hiccup)  (hiccup) (hiccup)”

10. “I wanna get on that show Teen Mom SOOO BAD.”

11. “Sorry I’m crying, sometimes I just get so sad about Voldemort taking away Harry’s parents.”

12. “You want kids, right? I want like 14. Like, soon. What are you up to for the next 60 years?”

13. “I figured out our celebrity hybrid name! It’s so much cooler than Kimye.”

14. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but…I’m Team Jacob.”

15. “I’m just so glad I found a guy early on in life, I did NOT want to waste my 20s working!”

16. “Did I ever tell you that Breaking Bad is based on my family?”

17. “I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone in school as my fiancé!”

18. “I think you might be too old for me now that it's already July, but do you have a younger brother?”

19. “Now that we’ve been dating for a few months, I feel comfortable showing you the fan mail I write each and every day to Justin Bieber.”

20. “I’ve never told anyone this, but I was part of the Bling Ring.”

21. “I’m getting really into cats, should I get 10 or 20?”

22. “Can I have some photos of you? Just enough to cover a dartboard, no reason.”

23. “This has been the best summer ever. Especially since it’s going to be my last here on Earth. Oh yeah, forgot to tell you I’m an alien."

24. “I don’t think I’m gonna brush my teeth anymore, I think it’s kind of oppressive.”

25. “I can’t WAIT to bust out my favorite Labor Day sweaters!”

26. “Just remember: if you hear somebody at school call me by a different name, play it cool and don’t look directly at me.”

27. “Are you excited to go back to Hogwarts?”

28. “Wow, you’re so cute! Do I know you? Sorry, I got hit in the head by a flying squirrel yesterday.”

29. “I entered us in a twerking contest for next week!”

30. “I can’t believe people don’t think the earth is flat. Hello? How are we walking on it?”

31. “Probably my greatest role model is Amanda Bynes.”

32. “Do you want to see where I’m planning on tattooing your name next week?”

33. “I know what you did last summer. I’ve read your diary.”

34. “I’ve been having the best talks with your mom while you’re in summer school!”

35. “Sometimes I just feel like running through the grocery store naked and showering myself in ham.”

36. "I’m mostly attracted to your knees. I think you know what this means once shorts weather is gone.”

37. “I, like, can’t STAND people who say the Hunger Games isn’t real history!”

38. “Where were you when you first realized I was prettier than Beyoncé?”

39. “I wrote this great poem about all the Kardashians, want to hear it?”

40. “YOU’RE ACTING LIKE SUCH A PEETA!”

41. “Hamsters are my favorite thing to throw, what about you?”

42. “The sun may be setting on summer, but the moon is rising, and you’d better run because I’m a werewolf.”

43. “No time to explain, but get out of here. Your life is at stake. I’ll miss you so much! RUN!”

44. “I just got my first period, come over and see!”

45. Text: “I just got my first period! But now that I’m a woman I can’t date boys ;(”

46. “They just opened a monogram store at the mall! Now I can put my future initials with you on everything!”

47. “I had no idea you had such high limits on your credit cards! Want to see my new dress?”

48. “Soooo…your dad is pretty hot, huh?”

49. "You said the funniest thing in your sleep last night! I could hear it right through your bedroom window."

50. “We should play online games together once school starts! My handle is SoManyBFslol92.”

How would you drive away your summer fling?

Topics: Life
Tags: dating, summer romance, ridiculous things, funny things, what to do

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About the Author
Lauren Ashley Bishop

lauren ashley bishop is a comedian, writer, host, actress, voice over artist, improvisor, & anything else you'll pay her to do if makes people laugh. she understands stripping might count if those are the rules but unfortunately for you she does not do nudity. she's a northwestern grad & hails from arkansas by way of chicago (go hogs, go cats, go cubs, go bears). she has an unhealthy obsession with dogs & jake gyllenhaal & is seeking therapy for both. but please, don't make her capitalize her words. she hates that.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.