17 Things to Remember This Summer
We are in the grips of summer vacation. School? What's school? You are on vacation, and so is your brain. Ol' Sir Thinks-a-Lot isn't in the best shape, so we'd like to remind you of these 17 very important things while your brain is sleeping.
1. Drink only ONE Slushee at a time.
2. The 4th of July is not the time to release a herd of angry pigs at your BBQ to protest animal rights.
3. Wait at least 30 minutes after eating a tuna sandwich before swimming with a dolphin. They might smell your breath and get offended.
4. Make sure your friend is okay before uncontrollably laughing when they fall off a boat.
5. Try not to break the record for Number of Days Without a Shower at summer camp.
6. When camping, do not kick a hornet's nest to "see if they like it."
7. There is no such thing as the Super Soaker Flame-Thrower. That is just a flame-thrower and you can hurt someone. Please do not use a flame-thrower in a water fight.
8. Eat a giant mound of fried food and ice cream AFTER riding the roller coasters.
9. Use sunscreen on your entire body, not just to write "YOLO" on your forehead.
10. If attending a picnic, it is not acceptable to bring one spork and half of a bottle of relish, then call it a contribution.
11. Stop throwing your dog down a Slip 'N Slide. He doesn't like it.
12. Do not inflate your little sibling's swimmies with helium. They might float away entirely and it'll be Labor Day before they start drifting back to Earth.
13. If spending the day at a museum, try not to start a fight with the statues. They are art.
14. It's most likely a bad idea to Photoshop your Dad's face on to the head of one of the Pacific Rim monsters.
15. No matter how many times you ask, you may not spend a hot day sitting inside a freezer at the supermarket.
16. A bathing suit is not underwear. It is also not a hat. Or a weapon. Or lunch.
17. An ice cream cone is eaten from the ice cream part first, then the cone. Not the other way around.