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What Kind of Shark Are You?

What Kind of Shark Are You?

By Janet Manley

Here at the Spark Labs, we've been feeding a variety of personality types into our giant psychometric statistical cruncher (aka Google search bar) to reveal new insights into your cartilaginous souls. Read on to determine where you fall among the knights of the sea!

1. At the school dance, you usually:

a) Hide under a submerged ledge.

b) Fill up on the calamari.

c) Steal the spotlight.

d) Bury yourself in the mud.

e) Hang out over by the continental shelf.

2. After kissing you, your crush said:

a) “My what a small mouth you have.”

b) “Ouch.”

c) “You’re very mature for a 15-year-old.”

d) “You’re an angel.”

e) “This is love at first bite.”

3. Your favorite television show is:

a) The Mindy Project

b) Hells Kitchen

c) Girls*

d) True Blood

e) Glee

4. You can tell someone is into you when they mention:

a) “You have nice denticles.”

b) “Had you had orthodontic work done?”

c) “You have a big smile.”

d) “You’ve got big pectoral fins.”

e) “You have beautiful eyes, when your nictitating membrane is retracted.”

5. You like to spend your spare time:

a) Falling slowly.

b) Working out with a pair of barbels.

c) Hanging out at White Shark Cafe.

d) Rubbing your belly.

e) Cleaning.

6. Your best pickup line is:

a) “I can be smoooooothe.”

b) “I saw you from across the room.”

c) “I feel every beat of your heart, with the giant electromagnetic sensory system on the end of my nose.”

d) “This is an ambush!”

e) “You better hurry up and kiss me, because I’m endangered.”

7. In summer, you like to:

a) Surf.

b) Swim laps.

c) Eat boats.

d) Boogie board.

e) Headbutt things.

*Because white.

Now tally up your scores, Sparks!


Mostly As

You are a Nurse Shark! You are gentle and slow-moving, but you are no pet! You are proud of your body and won't hesitate to jump to the defense of a friend.

Mostly Bs

You are a Sawshark! Often misunderstood, you want nothing more than to share an Eskimo kiss with your beloved, but often accidentally saw their head off trying to do so.

Mostly Cs

You are a Great White Shark! You are homecoming queen and king, but with great power comes great responsibility, and a terribly long winter commute.

Mostly Ds

You are an Angel Shark! Even though you're shy, you know that if you wait long enough in the mud, making schmoopy eyes at the crustaceans, you can find your true lobster. And if that doesn't work out, you know that there are plenty more mollusks in the sea.

Mostly Es

You are a Hammerhead Shark! You have a sixth sense that can detect trace amounts of lust in a crowded school corridor, and seek out truffle fries from leagues away.

Which shark are you, our pets?

Nurse shark. You are gentle and slow-moving, but you are no pet! You are proud of your body and won't hesitate to jump to the defense of a friend.
Saw shark. Misunderstood, you want nothing more than to share an Eskimo kiss with your beloved, but often accidentally saw their head off trying to do so.
Great white shark. You are homecoming queen and king, but with great power comes great responsibility, and a terribly long winter commute.
Hammerhead shark. You have a sixth sense that can detect trace amounts of lust, and seek out truffle fries from leagues away.
Angel fish. You know that there are plenty more mollusks in the sea
Topics: Life
Tags: summer, quizzes, personality types, fish, sharks, personality quizzes

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About the Author
Janet Manley

Janet's desk was moved into the hall for the duration of coursework on Roman numerals in grade four, and she cannot tell one Rocky from another to this day. Her spirit animal is a wombat, and she has not written a novel. Dauntless, Gryffindor, Mockingjay. She tweets @janetmanley

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.