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The Top 10 Least Successful Carnival Rides

The Top 10 Least Successful Carnival Rides

By Melissa Albert

Nothing says summer like handing over 20 ride tickets to a sullen dude with a neck beard in exchange for being locked inside a flying wire cage. Yep, it's CARNIVAL SEASON! Like so many things worth doing, carnivals are a blend of terrible and amazing. Cotton candy: amazing. Congealed $12 nachos: terrible. The Zipper: amazing. Giant slide: terrible, considering what you COULD have spent your tickets on. Here are 10 more carnival attractions that just aren't worth the lines:

1. Tummy Twister. You must be this tall to enter, and have this many funnel cakes in your belly. Don't forget your vomit-resistant hazmat suit.

2. The Tunnel of Indifference. This not-so-romantic ride simulates the experience of riding a boat through a brightly lit tunnel with a stranger you don't particularly like.

3. The Bench. Also known as your parents' favorite ride.

4. Piggyback. See that guy running the Tilt-a-Whirl? Yeah, he gives a pretty decent piggyback ride. Just pass him a five-spot.

5. The Pocket Inverter. You're strapped into a restraining harness, while carnival employees remove all the money from your pockets. In return, you get a giant pink bear that will disintegrate into sawdust within 7 days. It's actually a pretty good deal!

6. Mechanical Cow. Unlike its counterpart, the mechanical bull, this ride doesn't move very much. Mostly you're just sitting on a robot cow waiting for it to be over.

7. It's a Jonas World. Inspired by Disney World's infamously boring/creepy "It's a Small World," this boat ride offers a fun-filled glimpse at the various phases of the Jonas Brothers' careers, as expressed through singing animatronic Jonas dolls.

8. Un-haunted House. What horrors await within the un-haunted house? Actually, it's more of a two-bedroom condo. And the "horrors" are IKEA furniture and a weirded-out family trying to eat dinner.

9. The Tattooed Man. Ask for Vinny at the ring toss, and he'll show you his Creed tattoo. It's pretty sweet.

10. The Live Carousel. Choose your favorite mount from among 20 nervous horses teetering around a spinning cylinder. Watch out for landmines; flying hooves.

Topics: Life
Tags: summer, ridiculous things, funny things, carnivals

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About the Author
Melissa Albert

Melissa Albert reads books, worries about other people’s dogs (they look thirsty), and eats horrible candy for fun and profit. When not wearing her extremely tasteful Sparkitor hat, she’s an editor for the Barnes & Noble Book Blog. You can find her on Twitter @mimi_albert, or in the hot pretzel section of your local cafeteria.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.