13 Signs You Secretly Hate Summer
Summer is not for everyone. Some of us dread this time of year when sunburn and boredom are commonplace. Some of us (yikes!) secretly HATE the summer. Of course, at the risk of being the outcast we desperately try to hide our disdain for June through August. The following is list of ways we secretly might hate the summer and how we passive-aggressively act out that hatred.
1. Your legs are paler than a wall in a hospital room, causing you to bypass shorts and suffer through blazing temperatures in jeans.
2. Every time you hear the ice cream man music you immediately snap into a Vietnam War-like flashback where your eyes glaze over and you can't stop picturing puddles of melted vanilla oozing into the streets.
3. When you smell the chlorine in someone's pool you scrunch up your face and mentally fight the ghost of Marco Polo.
4. Every time you see a Slip 'N Slide you get the urge to grab a butcher's knife and stab, slice, and slash it to shreds until it's a heap of uselessness—which is, incidentally, how you feel all summer long.
5. During the 4th of July you defiantly wear the colors of Brazil, you bring Italian food to a BBQ, and every time you see fireworks sprout in the air can only focus on the smoke it lets off.
6. Your suggestion for a family vacation is to the food court at the mall.
7. Every time you go to the movies you purposely sit in the back so you can audibly sigh, "Booooooooringgggggg" after a really intense action sequence or at the end of the film.
8. Your friends organize a picnic in the park where everyone is required to bring something, but all you contribute are ketchup packets from McDonald's.
9. At Six Flags, you decide not to go on any rides and instead opt to sit in the shade and play Candy Crush Saga on your phone.
10. Your idea of a Beach Read is to sit in front of your beach-themed computer background while the air conditioning blasts on your head.
11. While everyone else is catching fireflies, you're trying to get a mosquito out of your nose.
12. While walking around the neighborhood you see a small child running a lemonade stand. After purchasing a cup, you chug it down, then write negative review of it on Yelp.
13. You vocally count down the days until school starts again.